What not to do on the Thalys

21:26 … Somewhere just past Antwerp-Central. Jet and I were doing a to and fro to Paris and it was about to go incredibly well until the Thalys lady (who always says THAH-lis instead of Thá-lies) addressed us with the very concerning words: “The train has come to a stop. Please do not open the doors. Thank you.”

I can tell you, the irritations we could just handle five minutes ago suddenly became almost unbearable. Therefore, here follows the How You Should Behave in the Thalys Handbook.

Number one:

Annoying ringtones

Actually, making phone calls is quite inappropriate anyway because we are all crammed together here trying to make the best of it. If you want to call, do it on the balcony. And please turn that ringtone off or at least lower it a few notches. Thank you.

Number two.

Smelly food

It would be nice if the Chinese family who fished out two nasi goreng and a bamimeal from Tupperware boxes this morning would read along. Actually, anything that deviates in smell is unwanted. To the gentleman behind us; it is really not forbidden to spray your deodorant one more time. Really not.

 Number three.

Blowing your nose

A cough, a sneeze, fine. But blowing your nose loudly… I would say; please join the callers on the balcony. They shout so loudly that no one will notice.

Number four.

Snoring

I understand. You had a long day, had six oysters and drank three glasses of wine at Terminus and now you want nothing more than to close your eyes. Fine by me. But please keep your mouth closed and your nose in check. Not too difficult, right?

Number five.

Noisy eating.

This ranges from crinkling bags to scraping along an apple that never seems to end. You can also chew quietly and softly, ma'am on the left, you have all the time in the world after all.

We are moving again. 52 more minutes and we are home. Soon I will miss them.