WHY CAN'T I DO THIS?

You would think that in the 42 years I've been alive, I've learned to occasionally speak up. I can ‘break up’ with girlfriends, dare to ask for a raise (give money, I need more shoes) and I can certainly have a serious conversation with a colleague I don't agree with at all.

I've also learned not to find it difficult to walk out of a fitting room and disappoint the eagerly waiting saleswoman. I have a repertoire of three sentences with which I justify not buying an item. I have something like / it's not really my style / it didn't fit at all. Please cross out what doesn't apply.

But there is something that troubles me. And I find it totally ridiculous of myself, but I hear myself doing it every time. That is the refusal of a bite at a party. Last Sunday I had a particularly nice party at restaurant C on Wibautstraat in Amsterdam. Divine bites were served that had received a lot of attention.

But not everything was really to my taste. With the toast with steak tartare, I heard myself say; “It looks delicious, but I always find raw meat a bit dangerous.” Why do I say that? In an attempt to be polite, I imply that they might not be clean and that I could get food poisoning from it.

Then a special dish with mackerel came by. “Looks beautiful and I really love fish, but mackerel, that's the one thing I just find a little less.” I saw the waiter looking at me with a look of: “Just say nothing…”. And he was right.

I don't know what it is and also not why I do this. What's wrong with a simple: “No, thank you.”? Or just a little shake of the head combined with a polite smile?

Really, if you ever stand next to me at a gathering with bites and I start rambling this total nonsense again, could you please protect me from myself? And put an ice cube in my mouth or something? Anything? Thank you. Also on behalf of the serving staff.