Fun & Famous

The absolute worst Christmas gift, say whuuutt

Sometimes you come across such absurd ridiculous things on the web that you can't not write about it. Imagine, you're looking for a Christmas gift. For someone you intensely hate or something. Then this is the master tip. At Nordstrom (you know, that American retail company) they sell a rock. A rock, yes. In a leather pouch. The price for this bizarrely special meaningless Christmas Rock? 85 dollars.

If you're thinking right now: is the world completely CRACYCRAY?!; you’re not the only one. There is actually a real Nordstrom Rock discussion going on on Twitter. And what happens to real icons (think of the annoying advertising bird at experienced Expedition Robinson)? They get their own Twitter account. Behold here the account of The Nordstrom Rock, seriously, I'm cracking up.

But the most bizarre is the description of the rock. What we know so far: the best thing comes from California and can be used for literally anything. Or as the website itself says: “A paperweight? A conversation piece? A work of art? It’s up to you, but this smooth Los Angeles-area stone—wrapped in rich, vegetable-tanned American leather secured by sturdy contrast whipstitching—is sure to draw attention wherever it rests. A traditional hardening process gives the leather a beautiful ombré effect.”

Of course, it was only a matter of time before the first sarcastic review came in. “When I read that the rock embodied both simplicity and functionality, I thought this was almost impossible,” said the first joker on the website. “But when I finally had the handcrafted, leather-covered rock in my hands, I was truly amazed. The rock functioned perfectly. In fact, I have never been the owner of a rock that functioned as well as this one. This product has everything you expect from a rock, even with the leather covering!”

I mean, nothing screams ‘Merry Christmas’ quite like this Nordstrom Rock. Duh. Anyone have an annoying mother-in-law to mess with? I have an idea! Ah shit, they just took it offline. I wonder why that is...

Then I guess I'll have to go outside to look for a trendy rock. Ribbon around it and hatseflats.