Happy & Healthy
6 X THIS IS HOW YOU KEEP A LONG RELATIONSHIP GOOD
Life has its certainties. The bridge always closes when I drive out of my city, and I hope to be on time for work. And I'm always the one who gets the short end of the stick when the coffee maker's pot is full of fresh beans or when the beans (and usually the water) need to be refilled. Another certainty is that when I call my father, he always says how ‘charming’ my mother looks.
Eighty-eight years together and still being able to marvel at each other's presence. My parents have been dating for a very long time, so I decided to distill some wise lessons from it.
1. Choose the truly fun one
You have to spend your whole life with him (at least, that's the premise for this topic right now), so don't be put off by white socks because the easiest thing in the world is to talk someone out of wearing a different sock. But if he only buys a round in the pub when everyone has just ordered something, I would take a closer look. No matter how handsome he may be, soon that hairline will recede, and you'll suddenly find yourself with a whiny miser on the couch. You don't want that. So really see if you like someone's core. Can you laugh until you cry, do you dare to smoke a cigarette without makeup while he's around, do you pee with the door open so you can keep chatting? And do you dare to do all these things while he's around? Then it might just be that you've found the one.
2. Be realistic
If you've been together for eighty-eight years, it can really happen that you fall into a different groove. My parents have always been honest about another love. They were both trivial matters that probably arose because they got together far too young and weren't completely done with their wild days (and wild nights). The fact that your relationship can handle that also gives strength. “I found it terrible, but I knew he would come back to me,” my mother said. And he did.
“Instead of nagging my grandfather every day, she bought a family cheese and a separate piece for my grandfather where he could dig in to his heart's content”
3. No Sex and the City but Downton Abbey
Yes, about the fun things, but don't get swept away by other women who complain and whine about their men. Even if you have something that bothers you a little, by whining about it with friends, you'll put everything he does in a negative light. Even if he doesn't mean it that way. I always had that with Sex and the City, where they could complain endlessly about men to the point that you almost think that's the norm. In Downton Abbey, they are much more faithful in love, more trustworthy, and more unconditional. We can still learn a lot from that.
4. Allow someone their quirks
My grandfather wasn't very good at cutting cheese slices. Or maybe he was good at it, but he took great pleasure in creating a hollowed-out cheese. My grandmother was particularly punctual and nice, and such a messy cheese was a horror to her. Instead of nagging my grandfather every day, she bought a family cheese and a separate piece for my grandfather where he could dig in to his heart's content. See, that's how you stay together for eighty.
5. Legs in the air
I really don't want to know how often my parents (or grandparents) engage in horizontal activities, but I do know that they love each other. Art distinguishes humans from animals, and sex distinguishes you and your loved one from other people in your environment. Moreover, during sex, you produce hormones (read here but) that make you love each other even more and become happier. And if you put in a little effort, you immediately burn off that tuna melt sandwich you couldn't resist earlier that afternoon.
