Improve your life
8 REASONS NOT TO GET A TATTOO
(Although these tips are too late for Kiki...)
I was fourteen (!) when I got my first and probably last tattoo tattoo ever on my body. My then best friend and I decided it would be super badass to get a small heart tattooed near our groin as a symbol of our friendship. And because it was just really cool to have a tattoo at fourteen. We smoked a joint beforehand (oh yes, I was a little rebel) and nervously walked into the tattoo shop. Now, almost ten years later, I’m stuck with that embarrassing little heart right above my, um, private parts. On one hand, I sometimes think: what the hell was I thinking, on the other hand, my little heart also symbolizes a crazy period in my life and I think: oh well, I’ve lived.
Now, I’m not a tattoo hater at all, quite the opposite. I’m a fervent fan of body art. On others, that is, as long as it’s subtle. So why would I discourage people from getting a permanent body drawing? Well, because there are just a number of circumstances in which it’s really (still) not a smart idea to get inked. Here they come:
1. You’re not old enough
It speaks for itself, I think. Although I totally didn’t care about that. But really, if you’re not old enough to walk into a professional tattoo shop and legally get a tattoo, then it’s just downright a bad idea. An even worse idea: messing around with a needle yourself. Really. Really. Ugly. Tattoos.
2. You don’t have enough money
Okay, so you found a really cool tattoo that costs twice as much as you have right now. What to do? Too often, people look for someone who can do it cheaply. With disappointing results as a consequence. When it comes to body art: never skimp.
3. You’re not sure about the design
If you’re not a hundred percent sure about your tattoo design or have switched three times in the days before because you think ‘this and that’ is also really pretty, then you’re not ready to get a tattoo. Trust me, the chance of a heart tattoo disaster is lurking here. And not just a little.
4. You don’t understand the language or symbols of your chosen design
Admittedly; it looks beautiful. But there are seriously websites that exist solely because of the stupid mistakes of tourists who decide to get a ‘cool’ tattoo on the other side of the world. Then it means something completely different than you hoped. Or even more painfully: spelling mistakes. Ouch, ouch, ouch.
5. You lost a bet
My only advice? Find other friends. Because the one who came up with this idea is also not quite right in the head. Sorry.
6. You think: ‘if I don’t like it anymore, I’ll just have it removed?’
Do you also enter into marriage with the thought: if it’s not working out, I’ll just get a divorce again? No? Well then.
7. You want to immortalize your lover’s name on your body
Then let’s talk about the hard statistics of marriage, hard but true: two out of three couples eventually break up. And a relationship can of course also go down the drain. The name of your ex on your body, really, I can’t think of anything more embarrassing.
8. You’re not sober
Seems only logical to me. God, I’m really an expert when it comes to this list. Can a trapdoor open in the ground for me to disappear into? Great, thanks.
