Fun & Famous

9 X WHY I'M SOOO OVER NEW YEAR'S EVE

Staying home with a mini club is the new thing!

Just a little longer and the last day of the year has arrived! Just a little longer and we can all start flipping out about what we're going to do tomorrow night. Just a little longer and we can all start flipping out about how grand and spectacular the party will be. Just a little longer and we can all start flipping out about the too tight Christmas skirt, because when you bought it in November you were thinner. Just a little longer and the most hellish party night of the year is a fact. And that's why I've decided (yes, I'm making a lot of decisions for you today) that this year we simply say NO to this shit and just stay home. With a bottle of fine champagne, some divine snacks, and of course only your (best) girlfriend/boyfriend. Not convinced? I thought so. People are hard learners when it comes to New Year's Eve.

9 reasons why I'm sooooo over New Year's Eve. I'm staying home!

 1. Everyone is already completely wasted by half past twelve.

Of course, I'll be the last one to be against wasted people, but they shouldn't sabotage my party. Look, I was once on a kind of party boat. You know, one of those party boats where you buy ridiculously expensive tickets in August. The expectations were very high, the outfits were pristine. But what did my eye see at 00:15? An incredibly wasted friend who (just dumped, and therefore also very sad) vomited all over the boat. Result? We had to immediately get off that damn boat according to the organization. Long story short: she couldn't take a taxi because she was wasted, so I got off that boat too and was home by half past twelve.

2. It's very expensive, and that for a crappy party.

Honestly, how many times have you not paid eighty, ninety, a hundred, a hundred ten, a hundred twenty, a hundred thirty – okay, super expensive in any case – euros for a so-called relaxed all-inclusive party that looked very nice on the flyer, but in reality turned out to be a farce with dirty bottles of wine, three bitterballen, a shitty DJ, and three centimeters of dance space per person? That's what I'm saying: stay home.

3. It's scary on the streets.

I'll just say it: I've experienced something once that you just wouldn't believe. But it's really true. I was at Nieuwmarkt in Amsterdam and someone asked for a light. So I gave that light because I'm a nice person, but what does my eye see? The light person bends down and lights a.fucking.MAT next to my foot! My god, I'm still glad my foot is still attached.

4. Everyone is always lost.

I don't know if it's me, I don't think so, but on New Year's Eve, something always happens that's a bit like King's Day: after half an hour, you're always missing someone important. But seriously, isn't there anything more annoying than having to search through the throngs of people for (drunk) Bianca and Sabrina? And if you finally find each other – oooh my goooddd bitchezzzzz I love you what a crazy night – you realize the drinks are gone and a delegation has to go to the bar and you lose each other again.

5. Crying in a themed outfit is super ugly.

It must have to do with the high pressure and the large amounts of alcohol, but there are an incredible number of people who always have to cry on New Year's Eve. Even if they didn't expect it. Now crying on New Year's Eve is already mega crappy in itself, but just imagine if you're also wearing a Moulin Rouge outfit? Or you're dressed as your favorite animal? I mean, a crying rabbit? No.

6. The disappointment is ALWAYS there.

You know what it is? I've actually never had a fun New Year's Eve. There's always a disaster, a situation, a fight, a crying fit, an embarrassment, an accident, or a change of plans that causes the group to fall apart and it's just one big drama.

7. Before you know it, you have to congratulate a weird person.

Is it the bartender? The complete stranger next to you? Your ex in the distance? Because when you celebrate New Year's Eve at a location, you're (see point 4) always just missing everyone when it's twelve o'clock. And that's why I say: stay home. Because if you stay home, at least you can curate the people around you. That way you know for sure that at twelve o'clock you're kissing the right people.

8. You can roll to your bed without damage and disgrace.

The retreat home is terrifying because of all the fireworks, but especially: extremely embarrassing. I know someone, I won't name names, who has woken up more than once on January 1st with red confetti on her pants, on her coat, on her tights, on her shoe AND in her hair. Oh yes, and on her cheek. Okay, it was me.

9. The chance is small (at least smaller) that you end up in bed with someone weird.

UNLESS you suddenly open the door for all passersby. You really shouldn't do that. Really don't do it. Except of course when the neighbor looks like Ryan Gosling, but he probably doesn't, because most neighbors look like Mr. Cactus. And you really don't want to end up in bed with Mr. Cactus, I think.

That's it again! I wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.