Fun & Famous
FOR WHEN YOU HAD FORGOTTEN THE BIZARRE LIFE OF BRITNEY SPEARS...
I am hyperactive. Just one more night before the Carpool Karaoke of James Corden with our beloved Britney Spears. It’s Britney B*tch, this can only be a spectacle. Just like with predecessors Adele, Justin Bieber, and Michelle Obama. Oh dear, we are really looking forward to this.
And because the anticipation might be the best part of all, let's go back in time and set up a Britney timeline. This woman has had a turbulent life, it's almost impossible to describe in one article. Yet I will attempt it. Are you ready for the biggest Britney scandals?
2000: the strip act during the VMA’s
We skip the ‘Hit Me Baby One More Time’ period and dive straight into a sensational Britney moment. Brit is having a great time on stage during the VMA’s, suddenly tears off her black suit and stands – to everyone's disbelief – in a very revealing sheer outfit on stage. With this kind of stuff, you put yourself on the map.
2001: the white python
And again it happens during the VMA’s. Should I remind you of the performance where Miss Spears sang ‘I’m A Slave 4 U’ with an albino python around her neck? And then immediately got PETA on her back? Those were the days.
2002: the beef with Justin T.
The relationship with the handsome curly-haired Justin Timberlake falls apart. He takes a swing at her with ‘Cry Me A River’ because Britney supposedly cheated. She, in turn, releases the song ‘Everytime’ (you know, the music video where she almost commits suicide in a bathtub), as a jab at Justin.
‘That sultry, half-open-mouthed kiss with Britney, that did it‘
2003: the kiss with Madonna
What is it with the VMA’s all the time? And yes, Christina Aguilera also kissed Madonna that infamous night during ‘Like A Virgin’, but no one really talked about that. That sultry, half-open-mouthed kiss with Britney, that did it.
2004: getting married twice in one year
Britney makes the tabloids by marrying her former school friend Jason Alexander in Vegas. The marriage is annulled 55 hours later. Later that year, she gets engaged to Kevin Federline (who immediately leaves his pregnant wife for Britney). The sensational relationship is immediately turned into a TV format: the reality show ‘Britney & Kevin: Chaotic’. Later that year they marry, after which Brit announces she is taking a break from her career to start a family.
2006: with baby behind the wheel
Brit and Kevin now have a son named Sean. In 2006, the singer makes negative headlines after being spotted driving in Malibu with her son on her lap. One hand on the wheel, the other holding her kid. She blames the paparazzi for the unsafe action. Later that year, her second child is born: Jayden James. A few months later, she divorces Kevin Federline.
2007: the I-shave-my-head-incident.
Then came the Britney-gone-crazy-gurlll period, I think this action is still fresh in our memory, WHAT THE F*CK? The press goes wild again and a YouTuber makes this viral video (I still crack up when I see this). Less funny: because Brit really goes a bit loco and turns to drugs, she is temporarily admitted to a clinic. Kevin turns out to be cheating, runs off with half her fortune, and she loses custody of her children. Don’t ask me how (Britney is a bit of a superwoman), but later that year she comes out with her new album Blackout. Critics are enthusiastic and she sells more than three million albums worldwide. ‘Gimme More’, ‘Piece Of Me’, and ‘Break The Ice’ all hit the charts.
2008: Britney gone crazy 2.0
Once again, Britney goes to a psychiatric facility. This time involuntarily. But you know what they say, weeds don’t die: our Brit climbs out of the valley again, gets to see her children again, and releases the album Circus. A few kilos heavier indeed, but the songs are again incredibly good. In the following years, she makes big money with her Circus tour.
‘But you know what they say, weeds don’t die: our Brit just climbs out of the valley again’
2012: the hit that everyone loved
Okay, not necessarily a scandal but ‘Scream & Shout’ with Will.i.am was still very nice, Brit. Props to you.
2013: a new flame
Is 2013 the year for the singer? ‘You better work bitch’, she sings at least. She starts dating her manager Jason Trawick, they get engaged in 2011, but unfortunately for Brit, this love also falls apart in 2013. It just doesn’t seem to be in the cards. She decides to focus again on her career and starts a two-year tour in Las Vegas, where she makes a filthy amount of millions. In 2014, she also briefly dates David Lucado and Charlie Ebersol, but that doesn’t help either.
2016: which brings us to today...
Britney's image has been quite boosted, thanks to an insane comeback. Although her face has been significantly altered. I still think you’re amazing, Brit, but I do find it a bit sad about those injected lips. Furthermore, she is still single, clean, and fully back to being a mom for her kids. After such deep valleys, followed by such great successes, I can only have respect for this woman.
And well, of course, a lot of fun in the Carpool Karaoke, because that was the reason for this Bomba-Britney-Birth.
It’s Kiki Bitch.
(Okay, the Britney fame is clearly going to my head, sorry.)
