Happy & Healthy

THE MISERY: WHEN HEALTHY EATING/EXERCISING/LOSING WEIGHT JUST DOESN'T WORK

If I were to reincarnate as an object in a next life, I would probably be a yo-yo. Or a hamburger. Well, I would also prefer to come back as a hysterical sexy high heel, but you either have self-knowledge or you don't. Six kilos up, two kilos down, three up, eight down. It's the story of my freaking life.

A few months ago, I was still enthusiastically keeping a Diet Diary (sneak here and here peek for a moment). Final result? Four kilos down. It could have been a bit more, but I'm still quite proud of it. To celebrate, I allowed myself to eat just about EVERYTHING in the following months. We also call that triumph food. Final result? Five kilos up. You don't need to be a mathematical miracle to realize that something is not right here. In two weeks, I'm going to Italy for a week, and in the state my body is in now, I deserve brownies no vacation. Or Italian pasta. Parmesan. Wine.

‘Done with the excuses. Action needs to be taken NOW NOW NOW’

It can't go on like this. Unless I want to roll home like a sausage roll over the Tuscan hills, but people don't find that sexy. Me neither. Houston, we've got abso-fucking-lutely a problem. So I just did what I should have done much earlier: in all the hysteria, I knocked on Jet's door. She has her happy and healthy life completely under control and is outright the best person I can ask for this task. There need to be some strict house rules made in the coming two weeks. Jet is going to take a good look at my eating and exercise patterns and will get back to me this week. With a step-by-step plan. And I probably need to start exercising and so on. God help me.