Fun & Famous

Grape, splatter and topper...

7 pet names for men who really can't

“Don't forget the groceries, champ?” I can still hear friend X saying that to her boyfriend. I feel the shivers tickling down my back. Champ. If I ever call someone champ, slap me in the face and take away ten pairs of shoes from me. That will teach me.

At the editorial office, I get support. May, Jet, and Joss can also cringe and laugh at certain pet names for men. Meant to be very sweet, of course, but not really cool. The absolute worst? Here they come:

1. Champ

The above situation with friend X. Champ. This sounds exaggerated, choir-like: “Hey dude, champ,” and it's as if the person in question works for you. “Good job today, champ.” Don't do it.

2. Splatter

Again, see above. Plus, way too 80s.

3. Moppie or mop

I personally find ‘moppie’ a bit derogatory. And with the distortion ‘mop’, I picture an old fat smoking man shouting in a very vulgar accent “HEUUUUJ SEXY MOP OF MINE.” Don't do that to your boyfriend/husband/lover. Not cool.

4. Fart(je)/little poop/pooper...

“Poopyloveydoveycheeeeetje.” Do you really think your love will appreciate it sexy if you call them that?

5. Bear/BooBoo

Sounds very cute between you two. A lot less cool with his friends.

6. Little man/mannequin/skattie

In the category meh. Doesn't do much for me. Although I have also been guilty of ‘my little man’ in the past. Sorry, Sander. Oh and, ‘skattie’ feels way too Br33ZaH.

7. Something dirty/sexual

May just seriously brought up ‘sexy shrimp’. Apparently it exists, she heard it from a friend, really. In the category extremely wrong: Blinky Bill or Pimp Daddy. Seriously, stop it with me.

What is actually fun?

Something that is truly unique between you and that person. And if it falls into the category of ‘cookie monster’, never tell anyone. It keeps it fun for your, uh, honey bunny too.