Happy & Healthy

Listen to what he says

Next to me, two girlfriends are intensely high-fiving each other. I secretly listened in and I think – no, I know – that there is really no reason for it at all. “Yes!” says the white hippie blouse. “You go girl,” agrees the denim jacket. The blouse is in love with a boy, but she is not entirely convinced that it is mutual. She is fishing for a relationship, but he says he doesn't want a relationship. But he just texted if he will come by tonight. Just for a beer.

”They can still be fun with each other and see where the ship ends up?”

“See, he likes you!” says the denim jacket. “Yeah, right?” beams the blouse. “Of course, dude,” continues the jacket, “otherwise he wouldn't keep coming by, would he? You don't do that if you don't really like someone. And certainly not for three months straight.” The blouse looks at her friend. She is visibly delighted with this observation. “Yeah, he just doesn't want us to call a spade a spade,” she says with a shrug. A sigh follows. She thinks that's stupid. They can still be fun with each other and see where the ship ends up? It doesn't have to be so uptight, does it? Well, the jacket wholeheartedly agrees. “Just wait, in a few months he will be completely on board.”

Strange, I thought I heard that the boy in question doesn't want a relationship. He said that, the blouse mentioned. How can those girlfriends then throw such inciting language at each other? Why does the jacket encourage the blouse with false hope? Or do they really think you should look at actions and not listen to words? Not smart; actions definitely do not always speak louder than words.

”Sometimes women seem to be deaf to the words of men”

Hey, that ‘inspirational quote’ may hang on the wall a hundred times, I've learned that when a boy says he doesn't want a relationship, he really means it. Sure, he is happy to come over for a quickie and even have a goodwill chat – for months on end, if you let him – but a relationship? No. Didn't he already say that? Yes, you indeed said that. But sometimes women seem to be deaf to the words of men. I know, because I've been that way too. And then after months, I would look confused when he suddenly had someone else and then reacted with a bitter: “Hey, I never said we had a relationship.” Which was of course true, I knew that deep down in my heart as well.

Forget actions ladies, listen. And don't mess each other up like that. Take his words seriously, he doesn't say it for nothing – regardless of what you think you read in his actions. And by the way: anyone using their common sense sees that showing up at ten o'clock at night for a beer hardly indicates budding love or the first steps towards a relationship. Right? Be honest. Listen to what someone says. It can be that simple.

Written by Kalinka Hählen