Happy & Healthy

DON'T WANT TO SAY ‘CHIPS’ WHEN YOU MEAN ‘SHIT’?

The trendy curses that actually work

Cursing is just like smoking. Up to a certain age it's all really funny and cool and sexy, but suddenly (no one can tell exactly when that is) comes the moment when it no longer works for you.

Children, for example, don't exactly help with either. Smoking is unhealthy and besides, it gives you wrinkles, so I stopped that pretty quickly. I bravely held on to cursing for a few more years until I heard my little princess say ‘gottedomme’ when she knocked over her bottle of toddler milk.

By now we are in a growth phase and my children no longer repeat me, but cover their mouths in shocked concern. The most ordinary ‘verdomme’ is even not allowed. It seems like the damn League Against Cursing. And I gave birth to that, mind you.

”But I refuse to say ‘chips’ instead of ‘shit’”

But I refuse to say ‘chips’ instead of ‘shit’. Or ‘fuut’ as a substitute for ‘fuck’. I had to solemnly promise my childless friends two things when I got pregnant. Not to buy a cargo bike (never did but still regret it) and therefore not to say ‘chips’.

But when you stub your toe against the piano stool or your daughter spills her juice over your new Isabel Marant boots, something has to come out of your mouth. That's why I came up with something. The trendy curse.

‘Oh my god’ becomes ‘oh my Gucci’, ‘shit’ becomes ‘sjsjsjsjanel’ and ‘verdomme’ becomes ‘Vvvvvuitton’. Now just an alternative for ‘jesus’. Anyone have an idea?