Fun & Famous

WHAT GOES THROUGH YOUR MIND

when someone likes a photo from 80 weeks ago on Instagram

Don't even deny that you've never been completely scrolling through someone's Instagram page, because we all do that. I do too, of course. With big famous people who have hundreds of thousands or millions of followers, it's all pretty risk-free, but with people who can still see what happens in their notifications it can go completely wrong. For me, a photo from 78 weeks ago is also liked from time to time, and then I always ask myself the following things:

– How did you end up at that photo? I always use self-invented hashtags, so it can't be that you searched for “Paris” and ended up on my photo. And anyway; in the dozens of weeks that followed that photo, millions of new photos were posted, so the chance is about 0.00000001% that that was the way.

– That means someone has personally scrolled through my nearly 700 photos and has looked at everything nicely. I jokingly did that myself too, and I can tell you: that's really a ton of work.

– Why would you scroll through someone's feed for minutes just to give a like to a photo that was taken in a distant past? When I’m stalking someone myself I will definitely keep it to myself.

– In the next phase, the backstalking will begin. Who is that crazy liker? Is it a guy? And is he handsome? Was the like maybe a flirt? Should I return the favor? Do I want to return the favor? Maybe this is the beginning of an incredibly romantic episode where we travel happily towards the end of the world. Or something.

– No, it's a girl. Who IS that then? Oh god, could she be the new girlfriend of my ex-fling? That piece of shit who shamelessly dumped me for someone else? And has she found out that I was the girl for her and is she now going to completely investigate me and give a like somewhere as a sort of gna-gna action? The bitch. WHO ARE YOU?!

– The profile is private. Time for phase 3: the deep search. You copy the name and throw it into Facebook, Twitter, Google, and everything where you can search for something. You must and will know who it is. Even if it's the last thing you do.

– Nothing yields anything. You blow off some steam and then decide to give up. It's also pointless, you'll never know. Give it up. Sigh. Fucking Instagram always.