Happy & Healthy
WHAT YOU REALLY THINK WHEN YOU'RE ON YOUR PERIOD
‘When I get my period. The birthday of my best friend. Where the last chocolate bar is.’ That's about it. A woman doesn't think of more according to O.B. Netherlands (Ohne Binden, yes). They really messed up with an ad a few weeks ago.
I've been amazed my whole period life about those fluttery ads surrounding our feminine issues. Blue drops? Come on guys, blue blood doesn't exist. Nothing blue to trace down there. Jumping out of bed because your pad gives you wings? No way, José. A blissful smile because the world is yours? It is, but in a less peaceful way than you reflect. Therefore, for O.B. but especially for us: this is what we really think when we are on our period.
Where are they when you need them?
Tampons. The little things fly around when you're rummaging in your bag on a first date, but when you need them... No way. Impossible to trace in the depths of your unfathomable bag. And then you borrow one, but it's too small and the other one is too big. Unfindable custom work, that's what it is.
%*#!, this is not a good time
Actually, it's never the right time to be on your period (I cried when I first got it, my mom wanted to have cake). Your afternoon relaxing in the sauna is ruined and that steaming night you can forget about. I'm always on my period when I go on vacation. Ticket booked? Then my hormonal household adjusts flawlessly to the departure date and the timeframe of my trip, no problemo.
That belly, seriously?
Just a bit about that belly, it takes on an outsized dimension. Hold it in? Ha, you wish. Can't hold it in so swollen, that's it. Even your baggy favorite jeans leave an unflattering edge on the swollen band around your waist. And I haven't even mentioned those two extra kilos when you dare to step on the scale. One plus: you've never lost two kilos so quickly as the week after the fuss in the lower regions.
“Humongous cravings can't be solved with a wimpy bar.”
A chocolate bar? Hahaha, just kidding.
To stay in O.B. terms: whhhhere is the last chocolate bar? A little bar, but really, you there at Ohne Binden? Besides devouring kilos in a short time, we can even make a list of factories for the supply of more food. Yes, you didn't think of that, did you?! Humongous cravings can't be solved with a wimpy bar.
NO, I'm not grumpy.
A bit out of my groove, but I'm not going to tell you that. And if you suggest that I might look a bit more unstable than usual, you get the full blast. Everyone misses their mojo sometimes, right? Exactly, that has nothing to do with my monthly period. Just the thought of it, phew.
Crampy
How, but really HOW do I keep that smile on my face when I have a mini-contraction (cramp, that is, but that's how it feels)? By the way, I only feel deep respect for women who have experienced the maxi-contraction. Folding yourself in half and sighing it away doesn't happen quickly either. Hot water bottles, paracetamol, blankets, Netflix and a couch is the motto.
See, there's more going on in our brains? And besides all this, we still work, love, and laugh. It's something. O.B. has also apologized for the unfortunate expression.
