5 things you need to know if your partner is grieving

When my father passed away from cancer, I was single. Honestly, there was somewhat of a form of jealousy towards my sisters who did have men in their lives as a support system. Don’t get me wrong; I wish them the world and am intensely happy for them that they have them, but that jealousy, that was indeed present.

Maybe I didn't have a partner, but fortunately I had a handful of friends who were the best support for me and still are. If you ever find yourself in a situation where someone dear to your loved one passes away, then you need to know this about the grieving process:

1. Grieving has no deadline

Everyone grieves differently and you absolutely cannot attach a time to it. I have said before that I hate the expression ‘giving it a place’, because I believe that the loss is something you deal with daily and sure, at some point it becomes less, but you never forget it. But if you notice after a month or two that your partner is still not eating or sleeping normally due to the loss and that things at work are not going smoothly either, then it is time to intervene. Let that person know that you are worried and that it might be a good idea to make an appointment with someone who can help him or her with the grief.

2. Silence is golden

Be careful with saying things like ‘I know how you feel’, even if you have experienced it yourself. Everyone experiences heartache in their own, personal way. Let the other person know that you are there for him or her. That can also simply be done through a hug. Remember: sometimes actions speak louder than words.

3. Repeating yourself is okay

And I specifically mean this for those who have lost a dear one. Talking about it is nice, death needs to be talked about, it is part of the processing process. So keep asking questions, even if you have heard the response once or twenty times. Don't be afraid to ask how the grieving is going – whether they can sleep a bit, eat okay, ask questions about work, and so on. This brings you back to point 1, because if that person indicates that things are still not going well, then you can take other steps.

4. Find a healing ritual

You certainly don't have to be religious for this, it can also be something you come up with together. Going to a place that is dear to you with your partner, looking at photos, lighting a candle, even playing certain music might do that person good. Do something, come up with something and believe me: this really helps the person in question.

5. Be there for them, even if you didn't know the deceased

I understand that you might feel a bit uncomfortable if you didn't know the deceased for long. A cremation or funeral can feel uncomfortable, but don't forget: you are there as a support system for your loved one, not for the one who has passed away. Be present, show that you are there, through thick and thin.