Because I have the funniest mom ever
My New York trip in quotes
Imagine, you travel regularly. Then I have something for you. It's really funny (I think so myself), it doesn't cost a dime and it's a perfect keepsake from your trip. No, I'm not talking about a photo book from HEMA – those aren't free by the way, shall we keep an eye on that? I'm talking about a quote book. The method of the quote book I totally stole from a journalist friend (hey Leroy, eternal fame on Amayzine for you) and it basically comes down to saving every time one of your travel companions says something ‘funny’ in the notes of your phone.
And because my mother (Trudy is the name) has the funniest and driest humor on earth, and we had a legendary mother-daughter trip in New York last week, I now present our trip in quotes. And, don’t worry Truudje, I filtered out our absolute worst ones. Better for everyone.
NYC in quotes:
“What difficult drinking cups they give on the plane, the water runs down my cheek into my butt crack.” – Trudy.
“Nooo, I don't think my Chanel glasses are really lost. They are just, uh, currently missing.” – Kiki.
“I think my suitcase is drunk.” – Trudy.
“This is really a New York banana. You can taste it right away.” – Trudy.
“Shit man, I've been in a vertical position for way too long. I long for the horizontal.” – Kiki.
“Wow, your hair looks different here.” – Kiki.
“Wow, the homeless people here make signs with what they want. We could also pretend to be homeless. We just grab a piece of cardboard and then you sit on it and say: ‘I need Gucci. I need Louis Vuitton. Oh, and something with Bouloutin.’” – Trudy.
“Mom, please, it's Louboutin.” – Kiki.
“Okay, but seriously, where are your eyebrows?” – Kiki.
“Do you also have that chafing thighs and boob sweat?” – Kiki.
“No, I have moisture in my fingers.” – Trudy.
“Jesus, we're really just complaining here.” – Kiki.
“I don't dare to use my lip stuff anymore because you just smeared it on the inside of your thigh.” – Trudy.
“Did you not hold Kiki much as a child?” – friend Roos (also in New York).
“MAN, she had fifteen months (!) of breastfeeding.” – Trudy.
“Yep. That was so nice…” – Kiki.
“Eww…” – Roos.
“The WHOLE day that man is selling ice cream here in Central Park, when we finally want something, he’s pooping. Unbelievable.” – Trudy.
“Do I have another good quote? Oops, I did it again.” – Trudy.
“I hope he washes his hands afterwards by the way, otherwise I don't want any ice cream anymore.‘ – Trudy.
“Why do those damn squirrels never come to you when you want them to? Only when you have food…” – Kiki.
“That band-aid? No way, I threw that away a long time ago. My blisters are already hardened.” – Trudy.
“I only have a five dollar bill left. I'd rather give five homeless people a one dollar bill.” – Kiki.
“Shall we ask if he can change?‘ – Trudy.
“It's so much easier to talk to people who have a sense of humor.” – Kiki.
“Should I buy white socks? I suddenly wear sneakers so much that I really have a drastic sock shortage. Wait, these for example. JESUS HOW EXPENSIVE! IT'S A SOCK FOR CHRIST’S SAKE.” – Kiki.
“Is it really very sloppy to wash our old socks in the hotel room? HAHA.” – Trudy.
“Sounds like a plan to me.” – Kiki.
“I feel just like Allie from The Notebook. Now just geese on the left and rain on the right and then we’ll kiss, okay?” – Kiki.
“Mom, just charming rowing is also an art. You don't have to smash the whole boat like a hulk.” – Kiki.
“Wow, it really is one big orgy of king poodles and labradoodles.” – Trudy. New York ”Where has the idea of rooftop bars and Sex and the City dresses and cosmos gone?” – Kiki.
“We have quesadillas and tortilla chips in the hotel room, right? That's also nice?” – Trudy.
“She can search me if she wants. I have stinky socks and sticky thighs on sale.” – Kiki at the airport.
“You can now start fiddling with your eyelashes, but if those crumbs get on your white dress, then you're in trouble, right? You know that.” – Trudy about my tic.
“Truud, we seriously walked HUNDRED KILOMETERS this week.” – Kiki.
“So, is it time for chocolate now?” – Trudy.
“Imagine, you travel regularly. Then I have something for you. It's really funny (I think so myself), it doesn't cost a dime and it's a perfect keepsake….
