Did you know the story of Kiki who was going to participate in Expedition Robinson? Right, she didn't go. Still crying with the cap on, but hey, haters are stingy, and as a mega Ex Rob-Diehard-Mafjoekel I had to be present at the press day, of course.

KIKI’S EXPEDITIE ROBINSON GEBRABBEL

Week 2

Hoooowdyhow folks, a very good morning. Time to chat again about one of the best shows on Dutch television? I am. This time from Portland. Something with a ‘’Who is the Mole?' -like press trip through Oregon that I will tell you much more about later, foh sjoo. Anyhow, this cowgalll (no, I officially can't talk normally since I've been here) had quite a bit of trouble watching the Expedition. Because as you probably know, foreign countries and the poodle dicks of RTL XL are not friends and yes, then you have to come up with all kinds of Ali Illegali shizzle to make it happen. Round 1: Kiki vs. bureaucratic internet life destroyers? 1-0 for me. Don't ask me how long it took and how many people were threatened in the meantime, but in any case: I made it.

Then I found myself typing in the hotel wondering what a sincere kaa-uu-tee episode this was. Seriously, Jorik pulled a Bertie. Minus loser island, so just completely crap actually. I still can't quite handle it. Friend, don't you understand that all of 12+ Netherlands was waiting for you? You were supposed to be that charismatic, slightly group-obsessed final player with the really good rat actions? No way. Lil’ Kleine has left the building. We've been hysterically doing this for weeks, this feels like your orgasm slowly fading away. Yes, I compare Lil’ Kleine to an orgasm. I think plenty of young chicks will do that. Anyway, we need to move on. The episode in a few sentences? Carolina arrives at the ‘camp of the unknowns’, Soundos behaves like Kim Jong-un at Camp South, the trial (something with digging out a rope and firing a cannon) is won after some fuss by Camp Denture North and so Camp Youth Pimple South has to vote someone off at the island council. Jorik it is on a voluntary basis. I think it's time to tear my posters off the wall and write my frustration about this whole unsatisfying tv hour off me in 13 points. Time for some fun. With advertising owls and such. Gitty up, gitty up, babe.

1. Starting with the joke of the evening.

The bright yellow Unox sausage condom on Brace's head. DUDE, please explain to me how you think. You can only take three things to an island in the Philippines AND THIS IS WHAT YOU CHOOSE. HOW?.

2. The comment with which Carolina - hey dude, that's a scarf on your head - Dijkhuizen scores no points:

“I really miss my BN'er club.” Girlfriend, you were with those people for fourteen minutes. Get over it.

3. A little laugh on social. ‘Soundos the mother?’

More like the aunt who always gets just a bit too drunk at parties. Keep that in your pocket, Mother Goose.

4. No, seriously, Soun-dos-très, we need to talk.

You know I think you're cool, but you irritate people. Especially on social media. I read articles with headlines like ‘when will mother goose be slaughtered?’ If you're not in the mood for Thanksgiving scenes, I would stop making statements like ‘I am Satan’ and: ‘everyone must listen to me.’

5. Is Waardapiep Danny Froger?

He participated too, right? Guys, do we want more or less Froger? More, right? A little bit more.

6. Reacting to the departure in five ways. And really feeling all five, huh. Jorik 1. The whiner: I'm going to drink all the chemicals in my sink cabinet.

1. The crybaby: I'm going to drink all the chemicals in my sink cabinet.
2. The joker: Pfff, where there's a Lil’, he wants to leave!
3. The snarker: I would also voluntarily let myself be voted off if I were on an island with Soundos (look Mother Goose, there you go again...).
4. The diehard fan: He has had 1, 2, 3, 4 days and now needs a vacation, dude.
5. The screaming baboon: GET LOST WITH THAT LITTLE DICK!! Wappie. Sink pisser. Flaccid carcass.

7. Shelly, no worries, darling.

I would also spontaneously get diarrhea if I could only take three outfits. I got you, gurlll.

8. Have we already realized that even our Fabeltjeskrant advertising owl has a bigger role in Ex Rob than the island of the unknown?

HELLO makers, Carlos + bare torso + zoom in. Jeezus, do I have to think of everything here?

9. So I got a message from Jet.

Who understands my humor. A tweet with the text: ‘The advantage of Camp South is that they all get breastfed by Brace during famine.’ HAHAHA. #SomeoneElseWantASip? #SoundosMoveOverMotherGoose.

What you say: 'Bring. It. Own. Bitches.'

What you think: ‘It is given that A is on the graph of f and B is on the graph of g. It also holds: xA=xB=p, so yA=f(p)=sqrt(27*p-p4) and yB=g(p)=sqrt(8*p-p4). It must now hold: |yA-yB|=3, so yA-yB=3. I want to die.’

11. ‘Can you vote me out? I have a show at the fair in Meppel the day after tomorrow that I can't cancel.’ – Lil' Kleine. Always a laugh, that Twitter.’

11. ‘Can you vote me out?

I have a show at the fair in Meppel the day after tomorrow that I can't cancel.’ - Lil’ Kleine. Always a laugh, that Twitter.

Lil“ Kleine: ’Likewise.”

Boss.’

13. Next week on Expedition Robinson: Roeland secretly collects sea urchins in swim trunks, überfanatic Herold is disqualified for doping use and Brace gets stuck under a wooden pallet during a trial (six injured including one seriously). Already looking forward to it. Hoooowdy how!.

13. Next week in Expedition Robinson:

Roeland secretly collects sea urchins in swim trunks, überfanatic Herold gets disqualified for doping use, and Brace gets stuck under a wooden pallet during a trial (six injured including one seriously). Already looking forward to it. Hoooowdy how!

this is how it goes a day after the Expeditie Robinson final with Carlos

If anyone threw a party last night, it was Carlos. And rightly so. As the winner coming out of Expeditie Robinson is something I would completely get drunk three times over. But now: the day after. How is my boy doing? How does he feel now that he had to keep his lips tightly sealed for almost half a year? What is he going to do with the prize money? Questions we want answers to.

So I sent Carlos a message. And no, Mr. is not the most difficult despite his busy schedule. So the day after from his bed (maybe not completely fresh and fruity but we understand) a personal video message. For you, for me, for everyone who is curious about how our Oldenzaal boy is doing now.

Oh and, Carlito, props for your bedroom setting with green wall and unmade bed. I predict a grand career as vlogger.. Just do it.