Can we talk about the Ta Ta Towel for a moment?

Everyone rolled on the editorial floor laughing. “I’m tagging you eeeeeven” (including screaming ‘whaaaahaaaa’ and a tear down the cheek). And there was the Ta Ta Towel. In my face. Two pieces with the end around the breasts and a halter around the neck. The perfect solution for ‘boob sweat’ it was called, because it came in towel fabric. I saw the model showcasing the Ta Ta Towel baking brown rolls in the kitchen, sipping coffee on the couch, and touching up her eyebrows with a pencil. Because yes, that needs to happen too, of course. And if possible, you do that with a Ta Ta Towel around the boobs. It all looked very natural by the way.

Now I am blessed or cursed, whichever you prefer, with two present girlfriends. I don’t find it refreshing to throw off the bra after work and give the titties some nice free space. My cup size falls into the category: just-give-me-a-little-support-always. But a towel? For the breasts? I’ll say it in Geer-en-Goors style: isn’t that just hilarious?

“I have some suggestions, in case it’s such a brilliant idea that the copycats will try to infringe the patent”

Okay, first I want to talk to you about the looks. I haven’t been able to get my hands on a real-life example to actually check it, but I suspect that in terms of design it resembles one of those saddle covers. You know, to ensure that your derrière arrives dry at the destination when it has rained. An unattractive elastic, the edge ugly bobbled, and made from a fabric of mediocre quality. Which will probably feel a bit soggy (I suspect) due to all that enormous sweating around and under the bosom, which women suffer from endlessly according to the inventors. It’s also not really an arousing object. Not that you always have to parade around in something hot, but I personally find it quite nice if there’s still something appetizing under the jogging pants. But who knows, maybe men find it absolutely delightful to ti-ta-tovenar them out of the Ta Ta Towel. Of course, I have no idea about that.

I want to talk to you about the name: Ta Ta Towel. Hi-ha ta-ta, I had to chuckle a bit. I’m a big fan of alliteration, so the Ta Ta Towel designers (yes, I just made that up) were already in the right corner. I have some suggestions, in case it’s such a brilliant idea that the copycats will try to infringe the patent. Saggy Sag (for when things are a bit droopy), Boobie Bouncer (can’t be anything else with such an elastic), Jug in a Rug (cozy, right), Hooter Halter, and especially for us: the Uier Luier (okay, that last one was thanks to Lilian). Hereby: if you come across these names anywhere, I claim the copyright right now and here.