If you envy other people's success

Being angry is quite nice at times. So is being sad. But jealous? Ugh, then you enter the danger zone. That's a real bitch. Why are we women sometimes such jealous bitches? What kind of pussy emotion is that?

 
The fact remains that we are all jealous of someone from time to time. Be it your sister(s), girlfriend or colleague. The reasons are varied, but sum them up and it already looks instantly ridiculous. Success. Money. Relationship. Handsomeness. Career. Weight. Likes. Yes, we are jealous of digital hearts these days. Actually, could it get any sadder? I mean: being jealous of other people's health seems only natural if you are not. Of that friend who has beautiful children, when you know that will never happen to you. But likes and handsomeness? Really? Maybe it is time for a lesson on exactly what jealousy ís and how to make sure you think differently about certain situations in the future.

 
Jealousy is a combination of feelings that stems from one desire: you want what you think someone else has. And I deliberately say: thinks. Because in fact, it turns out that we are often jealous of a situation that is not even real. Jealous of photos of that blogger? Photoshop. The likes? Bought. The boyfriend? Cheats on life. Sometimes we get jealous of shit we shouldn't be jealous of at all. Jealousy in a friendship is extra tricky. Mutual competition gnaws at the foundation of a friendship. The gnawing bad feeling doesn't get you anything, it only costs you.

‘You should have seen her face when I got a pay rise’

I had a workbuddie a few years back who got a higher salary for the same work as me. Then again, she also worked there a bit longer. After a while of ‘proving myself’, I thought it was time for me to earn more. I applied for a raise and ended up on the same amount as she was getting. You should have seen her face. She muttered ‘How good, Kiek’, but looked as if a lemon had been squeezed in her face. I had told her in confidence, but she turned out to be the mean girl at the office. Three days later, she too went to ask for a raise, because oh woe betide if I earned the same. She too got a raise. You should also have seen her face when I reacted happily for her when she tried to poke my eyes out with her new amount. Moral of this story? No need to compare yourself to others. Someone else's happiness a success says nothing about you. I had got a pay rise and that was what mattered to me.

 
Good. So we are agreed that jealousy is a bitch. So why can't you stop it sometimes when you know it's anything but? Research shows that jealous people often think there is not enough. Jealousy then involves a sense of scarcity. Think of people elbowing half-fighting to get sale items. How jealous you can get when someone does have that one item you wanted. But realise this: there is little scarcity, especially in the Netherlands. We have enough for everyone. Being happy for someone else does not detract from your own success. Everyone gets intimidated sometimes by a peer who is much more ‘successful’. Welcome to life darling, there will always be someone prettier, smarter, richer and thinner than you. If you really consider yourself worthwhile, you don't need to compare yourself to him or her at all. Be happy for someone else, then others will also be happy for you. Try thinking around. Instead of begrudging people things, you could work towards your own success. Put that green, bitter monster on the pavement more often and really: you will become a nicer sister, friend and colleague. Good luck, jealous bitches!