If you spend the night with a mosquito

(yes, a mosquito)

At a quarter past one, she woke me up with a soft landing on my right eye. What am I saying; he? I mean of course she. No, I haven't traded my male love for a female one. for a female, but I'm talking about the unwanted guest in my bedroom. The mosquito. And the only mosquito that bites, stings, or pierces you with that venomous little needle is a female (the little pests). That's why I was sure I was dealing with the female version.

The lady in question quickly took off after a swipe around the ear. But with that crucial movement came the realization. A tickle around the knee pit, a bump at the start of my right eyebrow, some itching at the back of my head (are you kidding me?) and right next to my thumb nail it felt a bit tingly. She hadn't been idle during my ninety minutes of sleep, but now she was... As if she knew she was my prey and I was no longer hers. I attribute this ugly insect, because they are not beauties, probably too much thinking ability, but so be it. The ceiling of my bedroom showed no abnormalities, so the little brat wasn't there. Maybe in the crevices of my curtains? I tiptoed like an idiot on my softest through the sleeping quarters, because my boyfriend didn't respond to the buzzing terror and slept. That made me a bit agitated again, but I concluded that one morning mood at breakfast was enough. The little pest couldn't be found, so I moved to the kitchen to roll myself in the Deet. Result? Wide awake.

In the two hours that the little brat chased me out of the bedroom and had fun with my boyfriend, I googled some mosquito trivia. Did you know that there are no insects in Iceland and Greenland? That sounds like buzzing-free music to my ears. I also found out that only female mosquitoes drink blood, because the male mosquito population is vegetarian. By the way, mosquitoes have killed more people than have ever died in wars. The best mosquito repellent is to install a child next to you, because they prefer the little buzz over an adult. But it seems that blondes have priority over brunettes again. That's where it goes terribly wrong in my situation, even though my boyfriend doesn't resemble a brunette much.

And yes, I also typed ‘mosquito funny’ on Pinterest to entertain you on Insta Stories. I actually did this just to lament my mosquito suffering and hours of sleep deprivation. But let's not make an elephant out of the mosquito, because that leads to strange situations in the bedroom.