INSTAGRAM-JEALOUSY

With an extra follower per day, I'm creeping towards the milestone. Plus one, plus another one, almost, almost, my mathematical formula says it will take two more days, MAX. What my milestone is? Five hundred followers. I'm happy with each and every one of you, hearts and kisses all over Insta. Really. But you might understand that I don't mention those numbers next to Queen May-Britt -31-holyguacamole-thousand followers- Mobach.

I tried everything. Afterlight has been on my home screen for a hundred years, but do my pictures become stunning because of it? Mwah. And now VSCO is my savior in times of fear. A little brightening, a smudge erased, and goodbye shadow. Well, not bad Frau Mans, really not bad. And then you post that thing and you should actually leave it there for self-protection. But I don't do that, because I'm still hopping through Instagramland to our Elke, taking a shot of Anna Nooshin, diving a little into the life of Chiara Ferragni and wrapping up with M.B. Mobach. Oh my dear, what an #@*^% ugly thing I just posted, just hideous. It makes you Insta-jealous.

That flawless Insta-gift? I don't have it. May shifts and arranges a bit on her desk and it immediately looks great in a beautiful flatlay. Elke drapes herself against a graffiti wall, the hotness. Simone takes a waaaaaay too big bite of spaghetti, a-breath-taking (and not just that big bite). Kiek blows out some smoke, über-rock ’n roll, And I won't even talk about Lilian, because she has the ultimate likability of Instaland and a barking little model that spices up her timeline.

“It makes you Insta-jealous.”

I have the cutest and most photogenic sleepover dog on earth, but even that one I manage to mess up a bit online. A very nice attempt at a composition à la Mobach? Shadow on the left and right and a stray breadcrumb from my sandwich with boiled egg. Strike a pose against a wall? HAHA, stop it. Oh, and hashtagging, I only do that in (if I say so myself) particularly funny sentences. Doesn't gain any followers. Well, I miss the skills and I find that really unfortunate. Or maybe I do have the skills, but lack the patience to shoot the perfect Instas.

Yes, dear (almost new) followers, I forget to take photos everywhere. That makes posting difficult indeed. Our Look of the Year Awards were on Wednesday (if you missed that, good morning), but I have ONE photo. ONE. Oh sure, I posted something nice on Insta Stories, but this lady forgot to save it. So they're gone. And I swear to you: your editors have about a hundred of them. Logical, because there was a photo wall, a Westerkerk, the most beautiful looks, the same food, awards for the talented mensch. One photo, of a cod fillet. The sadness. Luckily it was delicious.

Well, if you want to have a good laugh every now and then... Follow me, @adelinemans is the name. For your dose of grand mistakes in life and photos of a wine too many in the face are also guaranteed.