NOT SO HAPPY BIRTHDAY
(the birthday you skip with love)
Making a circle
We make a circle of boys and girls. And then separately. Women with women, men with men, screaming children with screaming children (by the way, I'm okay with this), grandmas with knitting projects with grandmas with knitting projects, fathers with a fishing hobby with fathers with a fishing hobby, his parents with his parents, her parents with her parents, that kind of thing. I skip these birthdays as much as I can, but sometimes I have to. When I find myself in such a situation, I deliberately go drink beer with the men or talk with knitting grandmas about a crochet project. Just to stir things up a bit.
Indecent times
On a weekday; I can appreciate that in the form of an after-work drink. But swinging from a lamp on Wednesday until sunrise on Thursday? Call me an old case, but I can only do this spontaneously. So if you want to lure me to such a birthday, don't mention in your invite that the morning glow is part of your wicked plan.
Around mealtime
Yes, I’m a bit clock-watching when the birthday comes up. But I just can’t get used to the invitation around mealtime and then you don’t get any food. Maybe I’m a bit crazy, but I’m a human and the last time I checked, those creatures live on food. I. Must. Eat. Especially when there are centiliters of gin mixed with tonic involved. Otherwise, I have to be taken home by taxi at seven o'clock. And that’s not fun for anyone. Or well, especially not for me.
Taste with money
‘Hey, are you coming to celebrate my birthday? We’re eating at a star place, the costs are on your own account. I don’t need a gift.’ Just not very nice, when you have a gift for a maximum of twenty euros on your balance. Especially when that star place can be stolen from you. So May has that, just read here.
Child, why?
I find the kids of my friend group the cutest. I make an exception for that. Even though I’m pretty much exempt from these birthdays by the way. That might have to do with my missing desire for children. I have my suspicions. But attending the children’s parties of the daughter-son of the distant cousin? Nah. The chance is high that there are still thirty bouncing beings present who are high on sugar cubes in soda form. Then I’d prefer to call two minutes in advance and ask if they can leave the front door wide open. I’ll drive through the street like a Verstappen and catapult that gift right into the hallway.
Furthermore, I’m up for all your parties and gatherings and by the way, I also never want to go home again.
