SIMONE HAS ALSO DELETED THE VERY LAST DATING APP
and has now set her sights on Valentine's Day
14 turn-offs on your first date
Guys, I've just given up on dating. Couldn't handle it. According to friend A, I'm way too picky because when I read a grammatical error, the conversation (now on Inner Circle) ends before a date is even planned. And if that date does happen, I usually lose interest after five minutes during that cup of coffee because he talks non-stop about his ex.
Research from Parship shows that I'm not the only one who immediately loses interest in potential Mr. Right on date number one. No less than 41% of singles, for example, lose interest if the date continuously checks his/her phone. For women, it's a no-go in 49% of cases if he is immediately after sex. And men lose interest right away if the woman has used a filter or ten on a profile picture and therefore doesn't resemble the person she pretends to be at all.
What else do we collectively lose interest in if that match makes it to the first date? My fourteen no-go's in a row...
1. He is unkempt
Black under the nails, a huge mat in the neck, an unpressed shirt, or a white V-neck with yellow stains under the arms... Brrrr. Can I have the bill?
2. Drink & drive
Those types who first drain two bottles of wine with you and then still get in the car. I don't think that's great. An Abeltje seems better to me, buddy.
Maybe I'm still a bit old-fashioned in this, but I'm certainly not the only one. He should pay for that first date, right?
4. He is constantly on his phone
His phone is glowing red from WhatsApp messages from all his friend groups. And he checks them one by one. Just a quick look at Facebook and also a glance at Instagram. And if you're unlucky, he even opens his Tinder account. Run, girlfriend, run!
5. That photo on Tinder doesn't resemble the real version at all
I lose interest very quickly with photos anyway. Bare upper bodies, workout selfies, and photos with girlfriends; I can't handle them. Maybe it's time for a profile picture etiquette?
6. He only talks about himself
If he's talking for 80% of the time and you're left with the remaining 20%, then you know you'd better leave it at that one date. The chances are high that he finds himself super interesting and has little interest in your life.
7. He only looks at other women
I think this is the absolute worst. You're dealing with the type of bartender, the macho man. Been there done that; not husband material.
8. He doesn't exercise
Yes, for me this is a huge no-go. If you prefer to be lazy than tired, then you can move on to point 9. But if my other half is not an athlete at all, then we will make each other very unhappy.
9. He has never heard of etiquette
Starting to eat before you've even received your plate, going to the bathroom during the meal, slamming the door in your face, only grabbing his own coat... Well, I guess I'm just from the old school.
10. He only does what you want
‘I don't care...’, ‘Whatever you want.’ and: ‘Only if you want that too.’ Hello softie. It's nice if you take me into account, but having your own opinion is pretty sexy.
11. Braggart
Nice car, big house, expensive watch on his wrist, and expensive shoes on his feet. All very nice and dandy, but I don't need to hear the words Porsche, Panerai, and luxury yacht in Saint-Tropez five times in one hour. There are more important things in the world, buddy. And that's not your lightning-fast Porsche Cayenne Turbo S. Seriously, stop it.
12. He insults you
If ‘Would you really do that?’ sounds from his mouth when you ask for a piece of apple pie with your coffee, then you know you need to run home with a stomach ache. Let that just be the reason you agreed to meet here. Who does he think he is, Mister Absolutely Imperfect.
13. Netflix & Chill
I get itchy from men who think they can jump into bed with you right away. And you know what really creeps me out? Men who try first and then say: ‘Oh, I have so much respect for women who stand up for themselves.’ Can I spit for a moment?
14. He drinks too much
And even worse: he tries to get you drunk to then come back to the previous point.
You understand that after all those disappointments, I've also deleted Inner Circle from my phone. I've set my sights on Tuesday and hope that Valentine will make himself heard. All bouquets of flowers (the roses can be white but not red), boxes of chocolates, and other mail can go to Pilotenstraat 23.
Because with the necessary romantic hocus pocus, I immediately kick that turn-off out the door and have you in my pocket.
