So many people have sex on their wedding night

(or rather: so few)

Nothing is as romantic as getting married. Oh yes, that white princess dress, those flowers, all your family and friends gathered together... You think it can't get any cheesier. Uh. Yes, it can. Because a fun romp doesn't happen that often, you know.

At least, when it comes to the wedding night. You expect that many couples, after the party full of bubbly glasses, rush to the king-size bed with rose petals. And that those two then tear each other's dress and suit off. And that the beautiful lingerie under that wedding dress gets the full, lustful attention. And they are happy that they didn't let their parents sleep in the room next to them. No way. We're actually not bunnies at all after our wedding day. No wild rodeos on Mr. I-now-carry-your-last-name.

Yes, I do (sleep)

Research shows that more than half of newlyweds just go to sleep after saying 'I do'. Okay, okay, something is still done. A third of couples wait until the next morning – probably because they drank too much vino that evening. But a bit less fairy-tale-like: 2 percent of couples have absolutely no sexual activity on the agenda in the first week after the wedding. Ouch, ouch, ouch.

Resolutions

I'm going to jump into the marriage boat next May with my everlasting love. I can write that as cheesy as I want, but yes, on the day itself... I DON'T WANT TO BE PART OF THAT 2 PERCENT HELLO. I already know we'll be exhausted. From all those people. That whole day. And we will undoubtedly be tipsy. And a quickie in the bathroom is also so difficult with that immense dress on your body. I DON'T WANT TO BE PART OF THAT 2 PERCENT HELLO. No. This is a matter of smart planning. To possibly prevent sexual fidelity issues. The whole week before the wedding, he is not allowed to get out of bed. And that week after – on honeymoon or not – neither.

We're going to celebrate that new last name of mine, you know.

FACTS
– In the Czech Republic, peas are thrown at the newlyweds instead of rice or flowers.
– In the old days, women could only ask their man to marry or dance on a leap day (February 29).
– On average, a wedding costs 16,750 euros and most married couples separate again after 14 years.

Written by: Tessa Heinhuis

Source image: Pinterest