Rare things that we all do

This afternoon I was enjoying some wine on the terrace, a piece of cheese on the side, and maybe there was accidentally a stray plate of bitterballen on the table (yes, that's just an option), and then it happened, right in front of my nose. My glass even paused for a moment on its way to my mouth. Someone grabs the bitterball, takes a bite, and waves the bitten piece through the mayonnaise again. Just to put it in Theo's terms: oh my god. That's actually not very fresh, is it? And I am completely guilty of this little misery because I do that too. Often. A lot. That carrot (or bitterball) is just less appealing without sauce. By the way, every one solves this very sophisticatedly: she doesn't do it or turns her carrot around to dip with the hygienic side. I mean, then you're a textbook example. For me. But this kind of oddities happens regularly, just look.

Shielding the whole thing

Say ‘I’ if you do this. Well, then give me aiaiaiaiai because I do this daily. On every loose screen I come across. It even takes me over a bit because I don't even realize that my eyeballs are turning that way with a magnetic force. I look at every screen. Whether it's your Macbook, iPhone, or whatever, it's not safe. I stand for notifications. My notifications, but also yours. If you don't properly shield this for me, it might just be that I know you're in a group chat called ‘Eetclub’. Oooh, hi Lil.

Spread more (times)

In the category of bitten bitterball: licking your knife. Or do I only do that? Because then I might really have serious issues that I just put back in the hummus bowl.

Peeing and washing

Nine out of ten times pure force majeure, at least for me. That you encounter a toilet without a fountain a.k.a. the little sink. I was raised well, so hands must be washed. But when I'm on a fountainless toilet, I have to walk a meter to the kitchen and touch door handles with my unwashed hands. I consider myself in the fresh category, but the man who just had his monsieur in his left hand must be too. It's a miracle I haven't developed acute germophobia in this life.

In the category of bitten bitterball: licking your knife. Or do I only do that?

The pressers

No worries, we're already done with the smallest room. But just in case you're a convinced button presser in the elevator, at the crosswalk, or dans le metro: life is a lie and you have zero control. Just read here. And for all residents of a city with a pedestrian light: really, why do you press that button when you walk through a red light? Yes, you there. I'm talking about you.

Endless stirring

Stirring your coffee when it's already very very long gone. That honey is a homogeneous emulsion with your tea, that sweetness is dissolved in the swirl of your coffee, just like that milk, because you just stirred that black goodness into the caramel-colored doom. And keep stirring. You know what's completely cuckoo? There seem to be people who stir for no reason. Goodness, I advocate for a spoon ban for these creatures.

And: refresh

Just flick your screen to check if you have an app, while the mobile device is quietly lying on your belly and hasn't made a peep in the past five minutes. Because you looked for a moment then too, right? As if your phone suddenly gained the dubious ability to go on sound strike... Nope, nope, nope. And yes, yes, yes, we do this.