Things that are stupid when you're a man

(in his words)

Sometimes, but very rarely, I would like to be a man for a day. Preferably when I'm toilet-technically about to burst at a dirty festival, when that rude dodo waves his clenched fist at the shoulder lane like in a you-me-there scenario or when that heavy cupboard has to be squeezed through a too-small staircase. Not that I'm weak, but some height, standing-pee equipment, and brute strength are just handy. And then I won't even mention the bouncing of your breasts in sports mode (because I do that in moderation) or the lower belly issues that feel like a wrongly twisted pretzel every month.

But men also have complaints about being a man. Yes, Huffington Post added and subtracted some on Reddit and your ears will be ringing. A warning: monsieur down there often comes up. Just so you know. Here they come...

‘Not that I'm weak, but some height, standing-pee equipment, and brute strength are just handy.’

1. That the woman in life demands that the man keeps the house insect-free, but he secretly is terrified of those big, fat spider men. Not that he tells that, of course.
2. The testicles need to be put back in shape every now and then. Apparently, the gentleman makes a dubious face about it or he literally has to help the situation in public. Raise your hand if you've ever seen this in a man you just don't want to see anything.
3. He never gets a compliment, but he actually really needs it. You know what you have to do: help that boy get rid of his insecurity.
4. The gentlemen are bummed that they can only get one orgasm per sexual encounter. Some of the ladies are just thrilled if they get one at all, but if it is so, then revenge is just a bit sweet.
5. A man does not stay home, period. The population of stay-at-home dads has hardly evolved and is already threatened with extinction. And even if they want it, it still remains a thing for him to admit. Secretly, he finds this extremely miserable.
6. Let's keep it within the office walls. The man works and he does that full-time, even if he actually doesn't want to. But honestly: how many part-time male specimens do you know? I see a good point here.
7. Okay, back to the little sadness. He always has to tackle every single pot with a lid with his muscle mass. No sympathy here. I have to standardly fumble the key on those hellish keychain circles.
8. Wearing pants. Yes, I also found that a bit exaggerated, but it seems that the bell is made to breathe. Okay okay, I hear it ringing, but I’ve lost track of the clapper for a moment.
9. By the way, the little man also jumps into position for nothing. And how annoying they find this! Look, you don't have to kick up a scene next time if you think he's in a state of readiness without you as an object of desire.
10. The man pays for the date. Ha, finally honest. They just find that stupid.
11. And the pièce de résistance. No matter how hard he shakes, wobbles, or wiggles after a toilet visit, the last drop just goes back in the pants. Aiaiai, you shouldn't want to know everything now.