Fun & Famous

WHAT IF HE WANTS MORE SEX
DO YOU WANT TO?

(And how you get your vajayjay out of hibernation)

Good. Do you have a relationship? Does he want sex more often than you? Are you the starfish? The workaholic? Does it matter to you a little less? That's enough, chicas. I mean it. It's time for a sex eye-opener.

With a few little nymphomaniacs here and there (you know who you are), most women in my circle of friends have less need for sex than their guy. Not to be confused with the fact that we don't want it at all, but every dày of that hopping, no thanks. The Duracell bunny doesn't have the energy for that either. And that sounds so unkind and stupid and sexless, but show me a couple that has been together for more than a year and still has sex every day. No, right? No, okay, luckily.

‘The biggest problem: women often suffer from ‘periods’

Suddenly it can be not enough in a few months and then the sex is back on a lower burner. Still complicated for the man who can always get it on. I get it. The other way around is just as good, if you always want it, but he wants it a lot less. It can also cause Serious Relationship Troubles if you are both on a totally different level of arousal. But just for a moment. Wouldn't it be very coincidental if you both want sex exactly as often and at EXACTLY the same moments? That's what I mean.

The biggest problem with the whole ‘wanting’ is that we all still assume that wanting is something like hunger or thirst. A need that arises spontaneously and needs to be satisfied. We want it or we don't, and there seems to be very little we can do about it. Time to spice up your sex life? Think about this: you don't actually have the desire, but you can make sure that you get in the mood for sex. So in a way, you can create desire. Now, I'm not assuming that your guy wants to get it on seven times a week (if so, run!), but that you are just in The Period where you have less desire.

How do you get your vajayjay out of hibernation? And more importantly: how do you get back to a healthy sex life? Like this:

• First, find the cause. Do that as soon as possible, because the chance of frustrations will then be limited. Is it not going well between you? Do you have too much on your mind? Work stress? Do you find the sex boring? Is he too rough? Analyze your sex life and see what can be changed so that you do get more desire.

• The main question is not whether you want sex, but whether you are willing to get in the mood. If so, just do it, even if you're not excited yet. That desire often arises on its own afterwards.

• Just remember that if you leave your partner hanging sex-wise for long periods, that's not really nice. Work on that shit, hop.

• Consider the ‘problem’ as a difference of opinion that can be negotiated. Discuss what you would like and how often.

• For example, friend X recently discovered that she is more of an evening sex person, and her boyfriend is a morning sex person. And the lack of steamy sex came from that. Again: TALK.

• More movement, healthy eating, not smoking, and less alcohol lead to a higher libido. Just saying.

• Also remember that it's a bit of give and take. Get over it a bit if you don't feel like it. And don't act like a little sex is such a big deal.

• Create intimacy together. Put that phone aside and focus on each other. Seek relaxation together, go out regularly, weekends away, if necessary, get ready every week on a fixed day for a date night. DO SOMETHING.

• Get to know your own body better. Also make time for yourself. Masturbate a bit more often. Then you'll start to appreciate sex faster.

• To experience more sexual excitement, something needs to change in bed. Period. Realize that a little fear is part of it and just take the plunge. What do you have to lose?

• Make a pact with yourself that you will do something exciting this week that is outside your comfort zone. Sex via ‘the backdoor’, watching porn together, crazy dolphin dildos; you name it.

• Ask your partner to take three times as much time for sex. Just slide this article under his nose. You should see what happens down under with you.

Trust me, this situation will turn out just fine. Happy humping!