WHAT WE ALL THOUGHT WHILE WATCHING ADAM SEEKS EVA

By now you know that I have developed a slight addiction to the naked tampeloerus television called Adam Seeks Eva . What are we going to chat about this week? Something with a whole lot of crying. And cowboy boots at 42 degrees.

But shall we get started right away? I think so too. Step on that (naked) lollipop.

1. I must honestly say: I also had to think for a moment to remember who Chaira Borderslee was. VIPs you said? Huh? Who? Oh right, that lead actress from the musical Aïda. Okay, we can start! After Chaira has cried once, that is.

2. First thought? I find her quite sincere. Chaira (funny that she says ‘sjaira’ herself and the voice-over says ‘tsjaira’ by the way), I wish you that love. Go get them, girl.

3. Here comes Adam 1 powered up. Ruben. What does Ruben do? Ruben is a winemaker. OKAY STOP CHOOSING FOR HIM IN GOD'S NAME.

4. Okay okay… Everything is being pulled out of the closet. Even the well-known sand grain-on-your-lip trick. This could actually become something between those two.

5. Oh help. Chaira cries again. And, uh, once more. She is slowly changing from a cheerful, warm woman into a highly sensitive, airy jerk.

6. Then things get lively in the tent. Adam 2 jumps off the raft. Ruben, the romantic 26-year-old who makes cherry wine and strums songs on his guitar, gets competition from the 31-year-old Frisian Jantinus.

7. HAHAHAHAHA. Jantinupiemels stretching in the background as Chaira is being interviewed. The gentleman is practicing for the Elfstedentocht. I can't handle it. Really, I can't handle this shot every week.

8. Look, Jantinus is already named Jantinus, that's unfortunate enough for both parties, so you have to compensate. With a dike of a muscular viking body for example. Okay, he's doing well. I have to give him that.

9. But then the gentleman from Appelscha lets loose his throat. With his questionable manners. Poor Chaira, she crawls into the sea for a moment of her own to escape the misery.

10. The gentleman turns out to be a stripper in his free hours. How delightful. And he is extremely charming towards his Eva. “You have to learn on an old bike, right?” Come on dude, every woman gets a stiffie from this.

11. Jantinus. In his naked tinus. “Yes, I didn't come this way for nothing. I'm counting on some action.” I find this program so beautiful.

12. Meanwhile, Chaira cries five more times. Everything else is completely under control.

13. Time for the choice. Please say that you choose the winemaker. Do it. The winemaker. Ruben.

14. Who else wanted to do something to Ruben at the moment he walked in with that spaced-out ‘I'm blue dabedee dabedaa’ shirt? Seriously, you can really date better with clothes on. What a disappointment every week again. Man man.

15. But Jantinus likes to add a little more. There you are with your cowboy boots on a pier at 42 degrees Celsius. Chaira cries two more times.

16. Twitter also went wild last night. @IrisPiek, brilliant this. “Jantinus I will pay for your name change and your course ‘How to deal with women’ AND another pair of shoes, then I would like to date #adamzkteva”

17. All's well that ends well: emotional wreck chooses the romantic airy boy and hoooo Chaira Borderline (or was it sleigh?) gives him a smack on the mouth. Despite all those flapping body parts, this is still the most pornographic thing we've seen so far on Adam Seeks Eva.

By the way, I'm already looking forward to the next episode. That dirty lover boy guy from B-Brave gets two screaming fangirls visiting. Oh boy, that's going to be fun. See you next week!