WHY I STILL CAN'T LET GO OF TEMPTATION ISLAND

Embarrassing, that's what it is. Heavy, heaaavily embarrassing. Do you remember the previous story I wrote about Temptation Island? I can tell you: it didn't stop at just one episode. In fact: I didn't sleep that same night. I started at six o'clock in the evening with the most ridiculous binge marathon of my life, and finished the next morning at four o'clock. Four o'clock in the morning, that is. Hypnotized as I was, I watched TWELVE episodes of THREE QUARTERS IN A ROW of the group orgy on that Thai island.

Now, that's already embarrassing enough (plus the four cheese pizza that was ordered and the pack of choc chip cookies that suddenly exploded in my mouth, so crazy), but what I find even worse is that I apparently can't let go of my Thai friends. There are still so many unanswered questions, so many things I need to discuss with you. Ah, can I? Please? Just one more piece then.

Just a bit about that guilty pleasure factor...

Did you all check every freaking backstage footage that could be found after the series ended? And then stalked all the contestants on social media? Indulged in all the fake news reports about a bleeding Rosanne after her adventure with mister King Kong Alex? Just to know if I need to seek professional help.

Just a bit about that bathroom...

What exactly happened in that bathroom, Lisa? Can someone relieve me of my suffering here? Thanks. Oh, Merijn is making an attempt in the press by the way: “They were definitely intimate with each other. You couldn't hear it on television, but when Lisa stepped out of that bathroom, she said: “Ouch, my boobs.” We could hear that at the campfire.”

Just a bit about Lize and Ken...

How are those two doing anyway? Well, look at that, the two are still deeply in love. With a YouTube account of course, where they don't do a single interesting thing, but they do have the prize for cutest couple in the bag. Those thirteen thousand subscribers too, by the way.

Just a bit about Saartje's eyebrows...

Is there already a beauty salon that has helped this poor child? Yes SORRY, I'm not saying my brows are always on fleek, but those poor brushes of hers were really the only thing I could look at.

Just a bit about the song...

Am I the only one who has the song ‘Weak’ by AJR constantly on repeat in the speakers? (You know, that nice song that caused a ruckus in the pool.) Where did that musician suddenly come from? Oh gosh, I love him.

Just a bit about those tacky cowbell piercings...

What happened to the nose piercings of Pommeline and Saartje?! Suddenly those things were nowhere to be found. Earth to the nose ring? Hello? Amber alert, anyone! Or you know what, eh, never mind.

Just a bit about the long mermaid braid...

The braid has had its glory days too, right? Can we agree that it's done now? Just no more. Rosanna, Lize, Lisa, Jolien, are you reading along, girlfriends?

Just a bit about Merijn's career...

How not cool, how NOT Jay Z (sorry) is the DJ name Merijn Brooklyn? But you can book him, that crazy guy. For all your parties and events. The whole tempah brothers + chickies posse by the way. . But the challenge is also to make sure you get your girlfriends to not open that bottle of wine every single time. Find buddies who want to join you for a sober month, then it’s less boring and difficult..

And just a bit about the career of uh, Lisa...

She wanted to prove that she's not such a ‘sneaky bitch’ as the show suggested. If you really want to laugh, go to her YouTube account. Lisa Samantha is on fire + more ghetto than you could ever imagine.

Just a bit about the peanut issue of Karim and Jolien...

Did. Those. Two. Have. Sex. Or. Not? He says in the press that they did, she ‘of course’ says not. And what was that bullshit story with the peanuts anyway? CONFUSION. SHIT, TEMPTATION, I MISS YOU. And I hate you. I want you, and I don't want you again.

Well, RTL 5 shows... no one said it would be easy...