WHY YOU HAVE EMPATHY

(OR NOT)

My best friend called yesterday, but I was still diligently typing at the editorial office. I had such a real off day you should know. Three hours in traffic, the restaurant called to cancel my Valentine's dinner, I spilled nail polish on my desk and in general, everything was a bit off and especially not as it should be.

In those three hours of traffic I texted my friend if she could call, but she was running around at the office (understandably, it was five to nine on Tuesday morning). And that's why she called back at a moment when I was completely balanced again and also excessively cheerful. She only said: ‘Can you call?’ And I only said: ‘I'm still at work.’ And in those two sentences plus the right pauses, we both knew that a. I was okay again and b. that she was worried about me. Sometimes you say something by saying nothing. And it’s of course super logical that your bestie understands that, but you also have those über-empathic people that you don’t really know and who can see through all your deep feelings just like that.

No worries if your bed was made, because empathy can be trained

Empathy, it’s almost elusive. Why do you have it, how come you feel this way and why does one person understand you without talking and you have to start a thousand-page manual with the other? Well, there’s a logic behind it and it might surprise you a bit (it did for me). Research from Arizona State University shows that people with less money think more about others. They empathize more easily, adopt your feelings faster, and can better put themselves in someone else's shoes. And it all lies in that little brain of yours.

If you grow up in a lower or higher social class (as far as we still know them in our country), your brain reacts differently. People who grow up wealthy are less quick to detect pain in others. And they actually thought they were more empathetic than the less fortunate, growing fellow human beings. This was all reflected in the research of neuroscientist Michael Varnum regarding the specific ability. If you come from a lower social class, you are trained in changing a facial expression. The explanation for this is probably that richer people are less dependent on what others think of them.

The financial situation you grew up in can thus influence how quickly you read the feelings of your fellow human beings. But no worries if your bed was made, because empathy can be trained. Try to consciously empathize with someone else, focus on the art of listening in a conversation, or say goodbye to your comfort zone and immerse yourself in a new culture. And of course, it’s no guarantee if he or she grew up in a different social class, because they can still be just as insensitive. Just sayin’.

Source: Eva Jinek