Don't say this to a pregnant woman

There are certain things you just shouldn't say to a pregnant woman. When I was in expectation of Otis, I was quite surprised by the feelings and stories that this evoked in my fellow human beings. And I'm not talking about my good friends (whom I can handle quite well), but about relatively unknown people who suddenly felt the urge to share a (often unpleasant) story with you, from unpleasant birth stories (even with fatal outcomes) to unsolicited touching or questions that you absolutely do not want to receive during those nine months. To avoid falling into one of these traps, I have made a list of the most important ‘don'ts’ for you.

• It seems that such a cozy round belly suddenly gives people a free pass to touch you. I was waiting for a table in a restaurant and suddenly felt a hand on my belly from a staff member. Let me tell you one thing: NEVER touch a pregnant belly without permission.
• Now that a good friend of mine is pregnant, I amusingly see the same questions being fired at her: ‘Wow, are you only 14 weeks? You have quite a big belly already!’ ‘Oh, do you still have two months to go? I hope for you that that belly doesn't get any bigger.’ You already feel fat, heavy, and unattractive for the most part of the time, and this is not exactly motivating. Think for two seconds and turn it into a compliment: ‘You look beautiful pregnant!’ or ‘Wow, that little one has grown so much already!’ Sounds a lot nicer, right?
• In one week, I got asked three times: ‘Wow, is it twins?’ Now, I really didn't have such a big belly, so I snapped back quite resolutely that I was definitely not having twins. What turned out: they were talking about zodiac signs. I think people often don't have this knowledge at hand, so take the safe route and mention that you're asking about the zodiac sign to avoid a very awkward conversation.
• Somehow, a pregnant woman seems to be a free pass for all stories about horror pregnancies or births. How many unpleasant birth stories I have listened to, but one really took the cake. Together with Jon, I was on honeymoon in LA and in a lovely vintage shop, the owner resolutely walked up to me and placed her hand on my belly (there you go! See point 1). Then she asked if I was having a boy or a girl, after which she immediately shared her own pregnancy story, which ended with a stillborn son. Really a terrible and sad story, and since that moment, I had a bit of fear every week that this would happen to me too. Save these experiences and stories for after the birth.