Embarrassing things that children say

You've probably noticed: Instagram is pregnant. So last week I wrote a piece about all the benefits of being a young mother. Today it's time for the other side of the coin. For everyone who, like me, is still in the ‘hell no’ camp and hasn't thought about reproduction stuff and kids and has very calm ovaries, this is for you.

13 embarrassing (and secretly also very funny, except when it happens to you) things kids say, why you think waiting a bit longer is absolutely fine.

‘Do you drink cola? That's why you're so fat!’

…to the plump aunt at that boring birthday party.

‘Look mom, a clown!’

…to the cashier with an enthusiastic layer of makeup.

‘Mom, you always put that in your BUTT!!’

…screaming in the supermarket while walking past the tampons.

‘My mom has a penis too’

…randomly to the postman.

‘Are you very poor?’

…to friends with a small house.

‘My mom doesn't want to have this ten-minute conversation at all’

…to the teacher in the classroom.

‘Mom! That lady has two babies in her belly!’

…in the pool about a lady with a belly + ample bosom.

‘My mom thinks it's dirty and stinky at your place.’

…screaming across the schoolyard to a classmate.

‘Eating chips makes you fat. You'd better not eat chips for a while.’

…to a woman in the supermarket.

‘Mom, is that a man or a woman?’

…pointing in the elevator.

‘When are you going to die?’

…to the neighbor. Who is 64.

‘Are you a gnome?’

…to a small man with a beard.

‘Ew, how disgusting that you smoke. That's gross and dirty and you'll get really black lungs from it and then you'll die.’

…to a lady at the bus stop.