Do this especially when someone is doing poorly

You can see from your good friend that she is eating too little. Or maybe too much. Or you notice that she is very gloomy. Or that your sister is working too hard and heading towards a burnout. What do you do then?

You want to be anything but the bearer of bad news, but sometimes you can't help it. Honesty is difficult, but always necessary. If no one tells her, how can she change her behavior? First, give her a listening ear. Keep your strong opinion to yourself for now, because you can be honest, but not mean. Otherwise, she will only isolate herself from you.

What you should do, according to experts? Say it directly. If you have bad news to share, don't beat around the bush, just say it. Say: ‘I'm worried when I see you because I think you've become very thin lately. Do you notice this too?’ This way, you are sincere and that is appreciated. Don't say it in an accusatory tone, but explain that you see it this way and that you think this is going on. Frame it as a question. How does she feel about this?

Also remember that there is never a really good moment to say something difficult. Don't think there will ever be a perfect setting to start talking about depression or eating problems. Don't wait for the ultimate moment, but say it right away when you see her. Start by asking how the other person is doing. This way, you build some trust and that brings calm to the conversation.

Other tips if you need to share something difficult, according to experts:

• Don't use humor
• Share everything you know
• Always be kind
• Hide nothing and stick to the facts, don't attack her
• Empathize with the emotions she shows: it's understandable that she is shocked or needs to cry
• Take action: how can you help? Ask her. Especially offer your time, that's often what people need the most.

Okay, it remains a tricky situation. You don't want to hurt someone, but you also want the best for them. And sometimes you have to hurt someone. Just remember to keep your promises. Don't say you'll come help her cook every Tuesday evening from now on if you never do it. With a concrete plan, you can be there for her. Not just ‘yes, we'll meet up often’, but schedule that fixed evening each week and plan a fixed activity together for every week. Make it easier for the other person.