For my love
To be honest, I still don't get it at all. I can still remember how he took a seat on the beach bed next to me in Greece. How I made jokes about his accent (he's from Gelderland). How we drank a cocktail together, were inseparable for the rest of the week, and then I had to go home confused with butterflies in my stomach. I was seventeen, now 26.
He is yin and I am yang. How do you do it, people sometimes ask me, ‘to be together for so long’ (exactly 9 years today)? I explain it. And to keep it in the 9-year vibe based on 9 commandments in love. Here it comes.
#1 You shall both have your own life
He takes his winter sports trips and Formula 1 boys' weekends, he allows me my press trips, nights out with the girls, and those long chatting sessions in the garden with the BFF. We have – no matter how crazy this sounds – a pretty awesome life apart from each other. But I admit: life is even better on the days we are together. Giving each other freedom = holding on.
#2 You shall never hold each other back
If I were to spontaneously decide to travel through Southeast Asia for three months, he would wish me lots of fun. I also want him to have the world. What you give, you get back with incredible precision. That is love.
#3 You shall talk to each other when things can get a bit more exciting
It can't always be New Year's Eve in the bedroom. Which is not necessary at all, but if you notice that the sex is on a bit of a lower burner, it's important to see how you can make it exciting again.
#4 You shall continue to communicate
Giving each other freedom without living past each other? Only works if you keep chatting. About your day, about life, about what bothers you, and about what you like. Everything.
#5 You shall trust each other
It seems clear to me: jealousy is the tumor of every relationship.
#6 You shall be there for each other when things get tough
I still remember finding that very special. In times of sadness or pain, you really get to know each other. Cliché but true: when you are there for the other and stay, you grow towards each other in a very beautiful way.
#7 You shall keep laughing
Especially about silly things. Humor is key.
#8 You shall not want to change the other
Once you are in the next level of a relationship, you will see that at some point you start to accept each other's flaws. Sander finds things annoying about me and I about him. And we sometimes express that to each other. And hey, that's okay too.
#9 You shall never take each other for granted
Hug often. Look each other in the eyes. Show interest in each other's work. Travel together. Experience adventures. Sex like rabbits. Keep dating. Hide a small, sweet note in his pocket and secretly set a timer on his phone that indicates he should read it. Massage each other's shoulders for no reason. Go for walks. Admit your wrongs a bit more often. Keep expressing what you feel for the other.
And then you look back and suddenly you are nine years further...
