Getting food that you dread (and how to get rid of it)

It's one of my mother's traumas. She was traveling with my father on a trip and was offered live worms. There was no trash can nearby, so she had to and she took it, only to end up throwing up terribly in the front yard of those people. Maybe I'm mixing two stories, but they are both true. About the worms and the vomiting in your host's front yard.

Go on a trip and people want to share their pride with you. But you are not always waiting for that. So in Singapore, I always got root beer (bleeeh) when I asked for water, and when I drank coffee, they poured three centimeters of sugar in it. Anyway, that's how you escape this unsolicited feeding.

Be vegan

That's a brilliant idea anyway, because then you can have almost nothing and there's always a space to keep your mouth tightly shut. Just keep in mind that in France and Italy, they find veganism a bit strange and you'll only be served lettuce and carrots.

Be allergic

You have a very complicated diet, so you'd rather not take any risks. Although it all smells delicious, it must be said.

Do a Hans Klok

One takes a napkin. Take a bite, chew extensively, nod enthusiastically, look at your glass that can be refilled, and when that is done, hold your napkin to your mouth, let the bite disappear into the napkin, and put the whole thing in your Gucci bag. You can repeat this several times. Don't forget to take it out.

Just slide it around

A trick from hyper-slim TV presenters. Order a lot and then just slide it around on that plate. Ask a lot, cut clumsily. Move your fork, poke it, move it to your mouth while chatting extensively, do a Hans Klok in between – as mentioned above – and after ten minutes say that your eyes are always bigger than your stomach. That it's really, really, REALLY divine and blissful, but that you really can't eat anymore. That heat too, right, it doesn't help at all.

You need water

In many countries, water is seen as something poor. You don't drink that. So when you order water, you still get lemonade (root beer, bleeeh) or Fernandes or something else you weren't expecting. You wanted to keep that body in shape, remember? Say that you need to take your medication and really need water for that. Accept that other stuff, make a sipping motion, and then just leave it there.

Hey, look there

This works really well in combination with the Hans Klok. Spot something noticeable in the environment, nudge your host and say: ‘Wow, isn’t that special?’ and let a large part of your plate disappear into your bag.

Good luck!