So magical are we women

A woman does not burp, a woman does not pass gas, only goes to the toilet for a modest pee and she does not drink beer, because that is all miles away from feminine or how it should be, right?

Sometimes I wonder why we have all those vital functions (except for drinking beer) but are especially not allowed to use them, while the average Dutch man happily burps or farts in the company of as many people as possible. Pardon my French, but I just have to name the issue.

Once there was a man in my life who did his business with the door open. Our conversation continued in the meantime or at least... He continued with our conversation (it's been a long time since I last saw him). Let me put it this way: I'm not really into Dolby Surround. If a man talks in the toilet, I don't need any visuals or sound to go with it. Therefore, I carefully but firmly closed the door with the tip of my shoe, without looking at how and in what position he was sitting on the pot. Sometimes you just want to keep some magic for later, for example, between the sheets. Provided he doesn't let them fly firmly there as well. In short, I'm willing to pretend I don't do it, but then he also has to make an effort to keep the magic and therefore not relax about something else. Magic should not be measured with two standards, I think.

But when I say out loud that I have not intentionally passed gas in the presence of my boyfriend in nine and a half years people look at me as if there must be something very wrong in my stomach. There isn't, no worries, I have methods for that. Magical methods, which we don't talk about, which he doesn't know about, just as I don't know about his. I always feel a bit uncomfortable when the first intentional fart or open-door session is proudly recounted by new lovers as a milestone. “Do you remember when…” As if you are talking about the first time you saw his mother, as if it is an achievement. Well, I decline the honor. Because I think you don't have to share some vital functions with your partner... until it can't be helped anymore.