I am 31 years old and terrified of horror movies

Netflix is richer by a new movie and it's one that will make you wet your pants within a minute. If I can believe all the headlines, because that's all I read. Veronica is the name of the horror film. The situation is that I am deathly afraid of scary movies (I therefore did NOT read this article) and that's why I do everything I can to avoid seeing the trailer and reading anything about it. If you're looking for a clear summary of the film, then you're in the wrong place.

I was thirteen years old and it seemed like an excellent idea to watch something exciting during the chips-and-cola afternoon with friends. Honestly, I can still see myself crawling behind the cushion on the brown leather couch at my friend's house in the Zeeland village Bruinisse. The Sixth Sense was the instigator. That one with the sweet little bowl-cut boy who suddenly says, “I see dead people.” And that I had to walk past a cemetery on my way to the bus stop afterward, and it was already getting dark. Not that this last part mattered, because the kid saw them during the day too. I was never really a runner, but back then you could have confused me with a sprinter. I have never run a hundred meters so fast. Dead-dead-dead-scary.

That was the beginning. Eighteen years later, I am much further along than I was then. I can recognize the chance of horror from the first note of music under a trailer. Just like with a slightly too long silence, a house that is just too dark to be cozy, or the lighting that has been pulled a bit towards the cold. All signs of thrillers of the horror-like kind, where I quickly run to the bathroom or hold my phone in such a way that I don't see the television screen. Otherwise, I'll sleep with all the lights on in the house for ten nights. I used to; I am eighteen years older and really a bit further along. Now I only turn on the light in the hallway when I sleep alone and accidentally see something scary on TV for a millisecond. So I'm doing better.

Give me blood-curdling action movies with realistic kidnapping scenarios or a good guy who takes out all the bad guys while I calmly sip my coffee. But just the accompanying image with the news article about the scariest movie EVER on Netflix already gives me clammy hands and a strong heartbeat. How do you come up with this kind of sick shit, guys? And why on earth would you want to see it? I didn't understand it then and I don't think I'll ever understand it. But at least I've tipped you off.