If you've never seen an episode of Temptation
The things you think
The very first episode of Temptation Island was in 2002. Let that sink in for a moment? That's sixteen whole years ago. The youngest seductress of this season is 18, the youngest seducer is 20 years old, and the youngest part of a couple is also 18 whole years. They were, indeed, 2 and 4 years old and barely out of diapers when the first episodes of henkiepenkie aired on national television. Think about that...
Temptation Island stopped in 2009, but came back. And Temptation and I, it just doesn't work. Never has. I'm not into the cringeworthy TV where you know it's going to go horribly wrong because it has all the ingredients, and then it indeed... goes even worse than you could imagine. I find it a bit embarrassing to watch people squirm for an hour, desperately biting into earlobes to score, but when the partner is also watching? I can't handle that. I also find it difficult when it all seems a bit silly. But because basically everyone watches Temptation, I miss crucial knowledge in conversations. It usually goes something like this.
1. Tim, who the hell is Tim? And why is everyone talking about him? What does he do? What doesn't he do? Tim is a thing.
2. So you go to an island, with your loved one, and then the ‘seducers’ come and they have to make sure he cheats? Uhuh, nice setup. The cat on the bacon, but then tying the man/woman to a tropical island.
3. And there's unlimited alcohol? And there are parties? In a tropical resort? Wow, what a fun time.
4. I always suspect all couples of just being friends pretending to be in a relationship to sit on the beach and have sex with whoever they want. You?
5. The couples, seductresses, and seducers only stay on that island for 14 days. 14 days?! I feel like the whole world has been watching Temptation for 20 weeks. How long does this nonsense last, guys?
6. Seducers, seductresses; I find it a peculiar term. “Hello, I'm Trientje from Lutjebroek and I'm a seductress.” Shouldn't you have skills as a seductress, a checklist of minimum cup size and that you should be into one-night stands? An instruction package on how many men you should have minimally sat on the butt, maybe? Creators, tell me.
7. Apparently, there are now also seducers and seductresses falling in love, even to the point of rose petals. They even live together for five whole hours on the men's island or women's island. Strange, actually.
8. By the way, should there be a maximum number of square meters of fabric you can take in your luggage, or weight? Or is the dress code just ‘nice and minimal’, as long as it shows off the breasts well?
9. And I certainly don't want to offend anyone on the island, but pretty... No, it's mostly just a bit too blonde, too orange, and too plastic.
10. What I find even more cringeworthy? The accents. They're so thick even in the previews that I start flipping channels with all my might to avoid it. Even though I find a a little accent here and there normally very charming. But I mean normally.
11. By the way, I can't find anyone anymore for whom Temptation isn't a guilty pleasure. It's just legal, they admit it and are even proud of it.
You can't say it doesn't occupy my mind, because I find it quite intriguing there. But watching, no, thanks.
