Kiki's Mollotenbrabbels

week 4

DINGDONG! Monday afternoon air raid in your face. All moles present? Nice. Let me crawl onto the confession chair with the shame red on my cheeks and my tail between my legs. I was holding a bingo marathon of my ultimate guilty pleasure on Saturday night. Temptation Island which made me kind of forget Who is the Mole? Yes, it’s painful. Shameless. And it gets worse. I even forgot to place my freaking points in the WIDM app, which means I’m now the only EPPO in my group with half the points of the rest. AAAAARGH$#%# God punishes immediately.

Of course, I was immediately caught up on Sunday afternoon. Without chocolate cookies as punishment. Well, that’s enough of my overall misery and self-pity. Shall we continue?

1. First of all, applause for myself and every human being who watches the program back on Sunday and manages to avoid all spoilers. I know: a round of applause for us.

2. Art: “I’m looking for three candidates who don’t have claustrophobia.”
Me: HELP HELP HELP PANIC ATTACK.

3. Okay, the claustrophobic part wasn’t so bad with that Rustaveli tunnel. Overreacting. Loes, Stine, and Emilio are searching underground. Stine especially in a strategically advantageous Mole spot. How illogical is it to only describe the spots after the quartet has gone the wrong way? And are you saying that they hung up? You really did that yourself. Intense Mole alert again, my friend.

4. Submitted by one of you and yes, I want to mention it: if you shuffle the letters Stine, you get ‘nothing’. Nothing is what it seems? Or are we all completely victims of tunnel vision here?

5. I’m not quite sure what it says about my Sunday, but Jan’s pineapple socks were definitely the highlight of my day. Janananas.

6. Olcay, you confuse me. In every way. Two weeks ago in that lace porn look, now in a CRAZY checked pants with a matching top. Both the best and worst dressed candidate of this season.

7. And sorry guys, but it needs to be said. Can everyone who writes Olcey, Olsey, Olsay, or Olgay please bury themselves like a Mole?

8. Best tweet of the day:
When Simone’s fuse clicked, she got an acute…
*wait for it*
…ART COLLAPSE

9. Look. If you put the letters P I E before the letters M O L, you get piemol. I saw Jan scratching his balls in this episode. Do with it what you want, but I don’t want to leave it unmentioned for the future of the game.

10. That old Georgian lady on the balcony: waving like your mom. WAVE. LAUGH. STOMACH IN. I’M ON TELEVISION BITCHES.

11. So Ruben claims to have a fear of heights and within three minutes,

his Facebook account is completely scrutinized and it turns out he’s hanging abseiling from an intense mountain in one of his old profile pictures. Hmm, suspicious, buddy. Still suspicious.

12. Realization: every time you almost miss the train and sprint like a madman across the platform and wonder how ridiculous that will look; just think of Olcay. See? It’s not that bad. Bet you’ll still make it.

13. Emilio Guzman. Also known as, eh, the laziest WIDM candidate ever. “What a nice park this is, by the way. Nice benches too. It would have been nice if that was the task. Sit here. Look around. And get money.”

14. Notable: Stine is the only one who says ‘no’ to the question ‘Do you want to know who the Mole is already?’. Maybe because she doesn’t need to know because she already knows? She also doesn’t choose the 5000 euros in the pot but the group exemption (a.k.a. no money). And what about that wrist injury? MOLE INJURY?! Okay Kiek, behave.

15. What? The Mole in the park? Hooooly fuckers. This game makes you crazy. What a mindfuck. Suddenly I see myself rewinding footage. HAHAHA. The creators must be laughing their asses off when they see all those screenshots and videos of random Georgians on social.

16. That you’re sitting on the couch and can only think during every effing execution: ART!! WHAT’S UP WITH THAT LAPTOP SCREEN ON BOTH SIDES????

17. And you really don’t understand that MediaMarkt hasn’t ‘produced’ any Mole laptops as an April Fool’s joke yet. You’re not crazy, are you? Invoice can come my way, you understand.

Current standings?

Intense Mole alert
– Stine and Ruben. Both brought in very little money to the pot and above all: no height to be gained. Noppes nada.

Medium Mole alert
– Loes and Simone. Trust nobody. Both pulled some weird tricks, but in my opinion just not quite Mole-worthy.

Mwah Mole alert
– Jan and Olcay. The enthusiasm radiates from these two young puppies, man. No, I really don’t believe the Mole is among them.

P.S.: Alright, little moles, will I see you here again next Monday? Heart at the bottom if you’re also completely mindfucked by the Mole who casually walked by in the park. AAARGH.

P.P.S.: Want more laughs about WIDM brain farts? Check my Insta Stories at @kikiduren. See ya next week!