Mother's Boy 2.0: why the bond between mother and son is sometimes too mushy

The new underwear in his closet. You didn't buy those. And he didn't either.

No, no. That has been no one less than his dear mom. The woman who is always there. With whom he calls or texts in the morning before work and in the evening after work. Or drinks tea. Or shops. Or redecorates his house with. Of course, you love her. And she is very sweet too. But that he calls her first when he stubs his toe? Or when he gets a promotion? Or when he has seen a sad movie? Ahem.

The bond between son and mother can be good – but it can also be almost overly good. It is then called a ‘disturbed relationship’. Mother and son cannot live without each other and hang on to each other day in and day out. Their lives are continuously intertwined, down to the details. Weekend getaways together, drinking beers together, choosing a new couch together... Because mom knows everything. Well. It is quite difficult to come between that as the ‘girlfriend of’.

Why do some men have this? It has everything to do with attachment from a psychological perspective. As a child, you can become securely or insecurely attached to the people who care for you in the early stages of your life: your father and mother. But if that secure attachment goes a bit overboard, it can result in an extremely clingy bond. An informal name for this is the ‘Peter Pan syndrome’. This means: some men never fully grow up and always want to be mothered. This often happens when there is no father figure present.

A healthy relationship between mother and son is one in which there is letting go. When a boy becomes an adult, it is absolutely time to let go. Usually, this happens naturally because a third person comes into play. This can obviously be a (new) father, but also a new partner of the son or an all-time best friend. friend. But if that support from a third party is lacking or hardly present and does not come, then it is to be expected that a man will stick closely to his mom. Well, you can't really blame him for that. But maybe you can. Because why do daughters generally stick less to their mothers? That is because they usually resemble each other more, and this leads to quicker arguments or rivalry.

But those men and their mothers... A bit of a real man chooses for himself and his own life, right? With male friends and a serious life. And then it might be a shame that there aren't more weekly surprises of new, folded boxers in the drawer, but that's life, mama's boys. We women also buy our own bras. Yes, really. It's not easy. And of course, we call our mothers when we have a bad day at work or when we are going to book a big trip. But we can also manage just fine, all of us. Now it's your turn.

FACTS

• 1 in 6 men meets their best friends in high school. For women, this is 1 in 3. Men often form close friendships later in life.
• Men have a different idea of friendship than women: they want to do things. We women want to share our emotions.
• Every 6 months, 40 percent of a man's friends are replaced by new buddies. We women are a lot more loyal.

Source: Mum Magazine