Temptation Island babbles: EPISODE 3

Ha, little troublemaker. Are you ready for a recap of the most awkward TV ever? Nice. I need to get something off my chest right away. WHAT ON EARTH IS HAPPENING THIS SEASON? Where's the juice? Why were Deborah and Tim even cast for this show? Is he really cuddling with that sausage pillow in bed with the T-shirt with her face on it? Jesus, people, where has the time gone when Temptation Island was still about disgusting shower situations, rock ‘n roll, and ordinary seducers without a conscience instead of an hour of therapeutic crying? They even named the episode ‘Tears in Paradise’ because no one can keep it together with all those ‘feelings’, man.

Deborah is crying because she misses Tim. Vanessa is crying over Jeremy. Daniëlle over her Mezdi. Tim only talks about Deborah and even Kevin of all people is in the hammock crying over Megan. How long have these people been apart? Three days? With all due respect, but a person can also exaggerate, wow. The highlight was definitely the sniffing coloring book Fabrizio somewhere on the beach. Brrr. Call me a disaster tourist through and through, but I want action. Sensation. Yes, I feel just like that creepy clown freak game maker from The Capitol of The Hunger Games. Ah, you know what? Let's make it ourselves. Time to babble.

1. If you were wondering what sneaky bastard Mezdi was doing this episode; he was just looking for sea cucumbers, okay? ‘Find the sea cucumber with Mezdi’. Sounds like a creepy children's book by the way.

2. I foresee a major romance here. “I agreed with Kevin to take the least attractive one.” AND THEN CHOOSE JOSHUA. To ‘talk’. Yeah, Megan. Go for it girl. You have my blessing. Just remember: don't talk with your mouth full.

3. On the other side of the island, Kevin's hungover wisdom is getting more interesting by the day. “By being drunk yourself, you only hurt your own head and no one else.” Right, yes.

4. Time for a little test. Biggest annoyance of Temptation Island 2018 so far…

A: The way Tim pronounces Dèborah.
B: Or wait, Tim breathing at all. Walking. Saying something.

C: Every time someone says “I like you.”.

D: All of the above.

5. Fabrizio with a soft G to the max: “It’s still too eaaaaarly to say, I’m falling for her.” Two scenes later, that sticker-loving fool is yelling around the corner of that little house. This is what I mean, people.

6. Now I must say: that Daniëlle really went all out during that mating dance. She’s slipping and bumping against his crotch and not thinking about hearts that start beating faster and little penises that grow in pants. I have one word: very sensual. That’s one word, right, seducers? Or am I crazy? #KanDitNietAan.

7. Where are the balls of this season? Can that arrogant Alex come back with statements like ‘I’m going to do dirty things with your girl friend’? Love to hate him.

8. Is #ZwaTetta already trending? I think this woman is fantastic. And for everyone who, like me, wondered if that was a wig or what on that little cup: yes, it is. She admits it herself on Insta “I just can’t stick with one type of hairstyle for too long and to let my own hair grow, I wear protective hairstyles, like braids, extensions, and wigs.” Say whuuut.

9. HAHA. Best tweet of the week: ‘That hammock is as strong as the average relationship on Temptation Island…’

10. We… need… to talk about….. the speaking pace…. of Thijs. That corresponds… with a… snail on speed. Dafuq, dude.

11. Megan: “What he’s doing to my head is really sick, really SICK!” Hey, that sounds familiar. Are Jolien and Herbert back?

12. I also stuck around for Tempteesjun Tollek for convenience…

Inviting former participant Merijn? Okay okay, nice going. Let one of the seducers make cocktails? Yasss. Let Olcay Gulsen join in? Odd choice. INVITING THE PARENTS OF THE PARTICIPANTS TO THE STUDIO?!?! HAHAAAA. Can’t handle the awkwardness level. What a joy this is!

Oh and: perfectly fine that everyone checks ahead with Videoland and stuff, but I’m not into that. So no worries, no hard spoilers from my side. But hey, if we look at the preview for next week, things are heating up between Megan and Joshua. Now. Already. Excited.

P.S.: What we are giving away this week on my Instagram @kikiduren? A game of ‘Find the Mussel’ with Mezdi, coloring outside the lines with Fabrizio, and a free lip filler treatment at Joshua’s cosmetic surgeon. What lips that guy has, unbelievable.

P.P.S.: I’m done, regarding point 4. For everyone who also votes D: heart at the bottom of this article. Wow wow, can’t wait for next week!