Spice up your sex life and do some laundry

Guys, seriously, what is happening to our sexy selves? Where on earth have our steaming, shaved, and oiled little raspberries gone?

Why aren't we consistently lying in a split, a split and a backward doggy anymore? Why aren't we chatting daily with our girlfriends about how things are going with our man's bean stalk? About sounds in the bedroom, doing it five times in a row for nights on end, and wild wriggling in the shower/in the garden shed/in the pub toilets? Our sex lives are massively dozing off: young people today have less sex than young people in the past, research shows. We also have fewer sex partners than before. No joke. And it's not just because of the rise of smartphones and social media and because we're busy for hours with the feed on Instagram instead of massaging each other naked. And it's also not because we're busier or working harder nowadays. No, we're gross.

Because, as research shows, no less than 1 in 5 people wears the same underwear for multiple days. Let me repeat: 20 percent of people wear the same piece of fabric between their legs for several days in a row. Men are a bit ‘worse’: at least a third wears the same underwear neatly for two days straight. Always. Ten percent of women indicate that they simply turn their panties inside out after wearing them for a day. ‘That thong has two sides, right?’, is the widespread thought. ‘No stain visible in the boxer, hop, another day.’

Can you believe the back and forth? Do you think it's crazy that we barely go at it anymore? Do you think it's crazy that we don't get wet at the sight of our men anymore? And vice versa: we also understand that their little buddy doesn't get excited anymore when he sees three-times-used thongs simmering in the laundry basket. Guys, this has to change. We're not getting prettier from this. We're going to wash, all of us. Doing laundry will become the new hype, the new social and moreover sexy activity of 2018, bring on those fresh bottles of Morning Fresh from Robijn. Don't forget the fabric softener, who knows, maybe something spontaneous will happen.

We're going to find each other hotter than hot again this year. Think of that washing machine. Think of those underwear, lace sets, white boxers, and skin-colored shaping tents that are in the washing machine. And please buy eight extra thongs. Just in case. You can do it, I know for sure.

FACTS

• More than a quarter of women wear their bra for at least five days in a row.
• In the past, we kissed for the first time when we were 14.4 years old, now that average has shifted to 15.8 years.
• For women, a date via Tinder ends up in bed in 12 percent of cases.