TEMPTATION ISLAND GIBBERISH
episode 7
Hey disaster tourist. Nice man, that you're back on board to talk about the most embarrassing yet entertaining show on Dutch television. I can't guarantee that by the end of the article you'll still have all your brain cells, but hey, it's going to be hysterical anyway, so the choice is yours. Still there? You, you… daredevil.
Last week we saw that the campfire images of an unfaithful Megan hit hard at KKK (get lost with your Ku Klux Klan, I'm of course talking about Cheese Fondue King Kevin). Luckily, there were the bachelors to excite -uh- catch the sad partners. And just when it all starts to get a bit yawn and snore, BAM four new bachelors make their entrance in the resorts. Precisely what we needed. Bring. On. The. Drama, Mama. On. Your. Couch. In. Your. Pajamas.
Well, shall we go again? I was watching Temptation Naailand and this is what I thought.
1. Most hypocritical sentence of the entire season: “If you love someone, you can't do this. That means she really doesn't love me.”
– Kevin, 23, has cheated on his partner over twenty times.
2. Ho wait. Is Tim wearing red swim trunks now? BREAKING. But um. Holy mowszers. Is it a red panty? That thing comes up to his calves. Brrr.
3. Irritation point: every time Mezdi says the word ‘lady’. “When I make eye contact with a ‘lady’.” Ladydoebadiebaniet.
4. This is the shit I live for. New bachelors in the house. We have: Fabrizio 2.0, the Brazilian wax version without the pregnancy hormones. And Kevin the personal trainer, who really needs to dump that ridiculous glasses cord quickly.
5. Luieloelaa? Loewalieloe? Gilileo? Lalieloeloe? Lajo? Let's call him Kees, okay? Kees.
6. Suddenly I'm watching a failed strip act. What's going on? Oh look, there are the single women. That always has to be announced with some tongue kissing, otherwise it doesn't really happen. No okay.
7. On Twitter we agree. Dear Denise. With your Yolo on your lower lip. 2010 is calling. They want their slogan back.
8. The moment you really want to slap a palm tree in her face, you know that Denise has taken the title of ‘most annoying participant’ from Tim. Oh gosh. Does she now also have a piercing in her gum?
9. Well well guys, if Tim doesn't see you, then you're really in trouble. “Don't give her a lighter, okay?” HAHAHA.
10. That Mezdi is really schizophrenic. He doesn't quite get ‘playing hard to get’.
20:38 hours. “Hi. No, a hand is fine.”
22:59 hours. “Slurp smack mmmmm.”
DUDE?! Ignoring for one hour, and then licking? HOW THEN?
12. Tim: “Mezdi you are my best mate you know that”
(HERE IS SPACE FOR THE CRICKET SOUNDS.)
13. Oh dear. Those Megan and Joshua have meanwhile used up all the condoms from the entire resort. Is it over now, bunnies? We also want to see new people having sex, okay?
14. Honestly cracking up over this tweet: Jeremy is The Mole. I can't think of another explanation for his presence on the island.
15. Or no wait, this one. ‘Guys, is someone missing a flattened hedgehog? In that case, it's lying on Tim's head.’ PEE. IN. MY. PANTY.
16. Speaking of peeing. That shot that just looks like Tim is peeing right into Cherish's mouth. People, WHEN are the guys from the editing getting a raise?
17. Cherrie, you silly girl. What are you saying now? “In terms of appearance, he has the things I would fall for. He's just a sweetie. He's really with that fucking ring. He should throw it away, or give it to me, haha.‘
18. Oh dear Gino. That sweet student. That awkward move with Deborah that backfires. Totally not Temptation-worthy. Can someone give that guy a hug? An escort lady? Something?
19. Fabrizio meanwhile can't handle that King Kong Lajo is fluttering around ‘his’ Danielle. Dude, they're just talking. Take a chill pill. Buy a plastic vagina. Get on with your life.
20. HAHA. Swan gets jealous and pulls out all the stops as Mezdi tries to calmly talk to new seductress Chloe. Is she really dry-humping that bar? Respect.
21. “I'm going on a date with Cherish for five more days. I'm going to seek out temptation. I'm going to prove that I'm stronger.” Ha Timmie! Nice going dude! You've finally cracked the code for I-want-to-fuck. Applause! Round of drinks on the house!
22. Kind of a spoiler alert. I've heard that things are going to go spectacularly wrong between Tim and Cherrypie next week. “You are my temptation, cherry.” Okay, I came up with that cherry myself. But anyway: you want to see it, because it's going to be insane.
P.S: What we are raffling off on my Instagram this week @kikiduren? Tim's wedding ring (worth 39.95 euros), your entire bunny life sponsored with Durex condoms AND the exclusive ‘Don't give her a lighter, okay?’ T-shirt for all your friends who have quit smoking. If that's not a party, guys.
P.P.S: heart at the bottom if you can't wait for the moment when Tim is going to pull some weird stunts with Cherishjjjj. You know it's going to happen. Wow, wow…
P.P.S: Dear people, I'm going to leave you. It was about time to make another suicidal skiing attempt in the French Alps, so I'm off for a week. Next week, the Tempah babbles will be taken over by my lovely colleagues. Of course, I'll still crawl behind the laptop for the WIDM final, no panic. Bye!
