The scientific explanation of why we look for a rebound after a relationship

When you cautiously dip your toe back into the world of singles after a long relationship, it can be quite a shock.

How does flirting work again? What is the coolest dating app at the moment? Do you have a flattering profile picture on your Tinder page and what about those five photos on Happn? Being single is quite strange when you've been able to stick to the couch with your guy for a long time. After months, maybe even years of binge-watching Netflix in your sweats, suddenly having to go on a date and flirt in a bar – that’s quite a switch. So it’s not surprising that many people look for a so-called rebound after a long relationship. Someone to share the bed with but not the heart, so to speak.

But why do we do it? It has obviously been well researched. The basic rule is: you need distraction. Not from your dog, mother, or girlfriends, no, from a nice guy. And that’s not such a bad idea at all. It’s actually quite healthy, because this way you get over your valley of heartbreak. You’re not looking for a new relationship, no new feelings of love or romantic dinners, no, you’re looking for distraction with texts, attention, flirting, and sex. And precisely because you keep it mostly physical, your head stays cool and you can sort everything out from your break-up.

But still, something remarkable happens, experts say. More often than not, we actually seek out an old ex as a rebound. Someone from before the last relationship fell apart. This happens for two reasons. You are genuinely curious about how that person is doing, which makes you seek contact again, and you feel lonely and therefore immediately think back to that time with him when you were not alone. Additionally, if your relationship that just ended was worse than the relationship you had with a previous ex, you will compare them right away. You suddenly think: ‘Well, he, the one from six years ago, was actually quite nice’, ‘He never cheated, that jerk I dumped last week did’ and: ‘Maybe he really is the one and I just didn’t see it then’. You could be right, but most of the time you’re not.

Often it’s just a rebound that you need to get over your ludduvuddu. And whether it’s an earlier love or a completely new, strange man: oh well, just enjoy it. Don’t take it too seriously, because rebounds help you regain control of your life and get used to dating and being single again. Do you care if it stays superficial? Go ahead, upload that fresh profile picture.

FACTS

• If you get married after your 23rd, the chance is 30% that you will ever break up again
• If you sleep glued to each other, you would be happier: 94% of couples who fall asleep against each other are happy with their relationship
• The fewer mutual friends you have on social media, the better it is and the longer you will stay together