Things that are innocent but seem weird

Or that seem innocent but are weird

It was only when I was twenty-two that I got serious dating, in a way that was ‘Christmas at his place and a toothbrush at mine’. About five years before that, it was off and on with the guys. I was fine with that at the time because I had two best friends ready for male advice. That was all I needed then. Back then… Things that I found completely normal in my early twenties in terms of behavior and picking friends, I would now almost have to negotiate with myself about, or at least have a strict but fair conversation with myself about. But really. It all seems innocent, but it feels far from that for the other person. Here are some situational sketches that could be based on truth:

Cuddling in the same guest bed with your best friend while you’re in a serious relationship, yes. It can be experienced as less pleasant by a partner, just saying.

That he has a movie night with his female bestie and shares the same blanket with his leg over hers. I mean, the term ‘hands above the blankets’ exists for a reason.

If he spends hours on the phone with his mother, you start to feel a bit restless on the couch. But if he spends hours on the phone with a girlfriend and tells her that his boss raised that left eyebrow during a meeting, then that gut feeling is all over the place. Rightfully so.

Kissing. And we’re not talking about a game of tongue wrestling, but the kiss on the lips. In a dating state, that’s for father, mother, beloved, and in rare cases, same-sex bestie and child only. Which I find logical, because why would you just smack everyone on the lips? Hugging is enough.

That she buys clothes for him. If it’s just ‘on’, then you’re dealing with a rite of passage, but it quickly becomes inappropriate. And honestly, we secretly also want him to wear what we choose.

But just to be clear: always keep flirting of course (especially with people you don’t want to sleep with). He should too, because that makes him attractive. Just preferably with a stranger.