What no one tells you before you get pregnant

Now I am the first to lovingly sketch a pink cloud over motherhood: the amount of love you suddenly feel for such a little one is more blissful than anything else, the happiness you feel together with your husband releases an extra dozen butterflies in your stomach and your ability to put things into perspective has suddenly undergone an enormous positive development. But of course, there are plenty of downsides and those are certainly shared: sleepless nights, barely time for yourself or your partner and the savings for that one designer bag that will go towards diapers and other baby items in the coming years. But believe me, there are plenty of ailments and issues that you, as a pregnant or new mother, encounter that are hardly discussed in public, until you dare to confess them to a fellow mother, who gives you an understanding nod. Fun is different, but I still feel it's a bit of my duty to reveal a few of those ‘secrets’, so that hopefully you feel a little less lonely when one of the issues arises: we’ve all been there, trust me.

1. If you are pregnant, make sure you never leave the house without something to eat in your bag. The instant hunger pangs you can feel are so intense that I almost fainted three times when I didn’t eat something in time.

2. I was sitting quietly at a Amsterdam – Bar Bukowski with a friend, happily fantasizing about the little one who would make their appearance after about three months. Suddenly, I felt a kind of stabbing pain that went right through my... punani and I was shocked: is this a sign? Should I start panting now? Thank goodness I was with a co-mother on the terrace and she immediately told me that there was nothing wrong and that this feeling was just part of it. It could mean a change in your hormone levels or pressure pain, but not a sign that you are in labor. It would have been nice if someone had prepared me for this stage, although the pain didn’t get any less...

3. If you see some social media photos of influencers who are lying in their maternity bed with their fresh baby in their arms, looking perfectly made up and fresh: forget it. Sweating, crying, pooping, and vomiting during pushing (yep, I can check everything off) all pass by, so don’t aim for that perfect first picture and be proud that you endured the delivery without an army of makeup artists, three wardrobe changes, and four lenses on your face.

4. Once that little one is here, you could say that you’ve had it all... Well, if only it were that festive. It took me months not to have a mini-accident after every jump or bike bump. So if, like me, you think that you won’t need all those pads when you see your birth package : just leave them in the cupboard for now.

5. Were you very punctual before your pregnancy and did your memory never let you down? If you suddenly forget three appointments in one week and can’t remember what you ate yesterday; yep, blame it on your baby. It certainly took me eleven months after giving birth to get that cotton out of my head. Unfortunately, there’s nothing you can do about it, so just give in and be honest: sometimes it’s not so bad to forget a less pleasant appointment ‘because of your pregnancy’.