3x Why Temptation Island USA is so much more fun

Sorry, but the Temptation Island series seems to have become the longest-running April Fool's joke ever. Where is the drama? Since when is participating in Temptation Island seen as the ultimate chance to sleep around? We are now at episode NINE and the wildest thing that has happened is a twerking Milou. So guys, we need to rise up. Massively boycott this stuff until something noteworthy happens. At least Megan spread her legs in a remarkably short time, Donny casually gets a tattoo with another girl, and we will never forget Stefano's ‘my name is hare' look after it was said on camera with Zwaantje. Rosanna and Alex, Niels and Fabiola, flying billiard balls... Those are the images we follow Temptation Island for. So here’s the next plan: we’re all going to watch Temptation Island USA on Videoland. You won’t regret it. Because we deserve so much better than this prudish Dutch-Belgian nonsense. I’ve already started and can name a few reasons why it’s absolutely worth watching. There are only three, but they are three solid ones, and let’s be honest: do you really need more than one? volgen. Dus hierbij een volgend plan: we gaan met z’n allen Temptation Island USA kijken op Videoland. Krijg je geen spijt van. Want we verdienen zoveel beter dan dit preutse Nederlands-Belgische gedoe. Ik ben alvast begonnen en kan een aantal redenen opnoemen waarom het absoluut de moeite waard is om te kijken. Het zijn er maar drie, maar wel drie ijzersterke en zeg nou eens eerlijk: heb je er echt meer dan één nodig?

1. The couples are not steady at all when they participate. While in our version Rodanya has to force her Morgan with a video message to please be a bit more social, the four American couples are not very happy with each other when they start. I mention a couple where the man has cheated before, a couple where the woman tells her man multiple times a week that he is not manly enough for her (side note: he is by far the broadest of all the men), a couple where the girl was still in a relationship when she met him, and my personal favorite: a girl from a strict religious family who completely disapproves of her relationship. In other words: the formula for drama. What a luxury after the snooze fest we get to see.

2. By episode number one, they have all but forgotten their partner. The line “you seem so deep and passionate... my boyfriend is not” is already spoken in the very first episode. Girl, you just said goodbye to your boyfriend two hours ago and you manage to say this already? Please come to our Temptation, we need you.

3. The number of romances is hardly even trackable. Within a handful of episodes, there are kisses here and there and campfires with men in strange beds. Women who don’t even want to watch their campfire footage because it’s too hurtful. Men who would prefer to break up their relationship immediately and hesitate to do this via video message (you could have done that too, Rodanya). Future plans are being made between seducers and ‘occupied’ people. This. Is. Temptation.

Also nice: Temptation Island USA has just ended, so you can binge the whole series at once. I can also tell you how many couples are still together, but that’s not a fun spoiler. I’ll give you a hint: it’s not many. The host himself (Mark L. Walberg, not to be confused with Mark Wahlberg, which would make it even more fun) finds the show ‘trashy AF’. That someone says that about Temptation sounds like a distant memory, when we also still got exciting TV served. Better times. Let’s hope that Temptation Island VIPS becomes something more entertaining. Finally, we can really play the disaster tourist again. We deserve it.

Written by: Wieke Veenboer