Kiki’s Temptation Island Babble

Goodbye disaster tourists. I have to say: respect. That you keep coming back. Respect for the patience this season as well. I really don't have it anymore. In fact, I've been waiting for weeks for a bit of dirty entertainment, but it doesn't seem to be happening this time. If the now-famous (and repeated a thousand times) words ‘Day in day out I do everything for that fucking girl!’ from Sidney are the most exciting to tease weekly, then you know we're dealing with a muy grande anticlimax.

Anyway, all the couples have developed their own strategies to avoid temptation, but let me put it this way: it’s not getting any more fun. Let me just say it out loud: Roger and Morgan, sweethearts, I understand you quite well. This season is also sleep-inducing. Where is the mindfuck? Do we now only have to deal with the lesbian advances from mama Laura? You get it: there’s plenty to discuss. Buckle up.

1. Maxime: ‘I wanted to ask you if I could bring you breakfast in bed. There are pancakes, Laura.’

Laura: ‘Preferably not. I’m not in the mood for that.’

HAHA OMG. I really can't watch this any longer. That self-control of Maxime. ‘Okay, I’ll let you wake up nicely.’ and then walks away. I would have long shouted ‘You can go to hell, burnt milk bottle $%&*’.

2. Heikki: ‘We’re quite busy in that area. It’s at least once a day. We’re just like rabbits.’ I don’t know why, but I really can’t see Heikki and Milou having sex together.

3. Meanwhile, Hung, a.k.a. ‘I’m your Asian mysterious girl’ expertly drives up on that jetski. And that killer body is immediately knocked over by fitboy Sidney. ‘I love big butts. She doesn’t have a bad body. But it could have been a lot better.’ Aiii.

4. Which immediately brings me to the most awkward statement of this week. Roger: ‘Oh dear, is that a Japanese person or what?’

5. Really, I love the naivety and playfulness of Milou, but honestly, the longer I look at her, the more I wonder if she has had oxygen deprivation.

6. ‘I think one more date with Demi, and she will give in to me.’ Honestly: if the world had just a bit of Maxime's optimism, there would be no war.

7. LOVE THE PORN BLOUSE OF MY BOY SID.

8. I laugh the most in this episode when cockblocker Laura comes into view. Or, ‘Mamalau’, who keeps an eye on all the jungle parties and red carpet events to make sure no one builds up too many emotions.

9. Okay, awkward comment 2.0 comes this week from Heikki. ‘Yeah, it’s obviously a jungle party… So Roger and Morgan. Yeah, that’s more their kind of music.’ Uh, Heikki?

10. ‘I hope everyone is having a good time and can also enjoy my enthusiasm.’ Roger, really? HAHAHA. Speak normally. Please. Try it.

11. If you as a woman don’t get a dry vagina from Denzel's pickup line ‘I’m Denzel Washington’, then I don’t know anymore.

12. Does Ayleen have a wig on now? Is she just pulling a Zwanetta? Can she not keep that wig on for the rest of the season, by the way?

13. ‘We are a football team. If one scores, we all score. Only: the one who scored, it’s on their name. Of course, I’d like to score a goal,’ says Jamie. The one from Man Of The House has melted into a background character of the game. Too bad, Jaim. Better luck next time.

14. The conversation the world wasn’t ready for…

‘Do you need to pee?
But yes, you’re wet.
But afterwards not in the pool anymore, okay?
I’m going to take care of you, my little one.
So you don’t get sick. Come on, first take off your clothes and pee. Pee.’
YUCK LAURA YUCK YUCK.

15. Milou (me so drunk): ‘I’m standing here with my bare tits.’

Laura (me so horny): ‘I see tits every day too. But I think yours are prettier than mine.’

16. Suddenly I start to understand a little why Morgan drifts through life so aimlessly. Rodanya: ‘Danicio, are you drunk? You’re talking so loud. And a lot. Just stop for a moment. Drink some water. Put on some nice music, will you? Nice music, Danicio. NICE I SAID. DAMN.’

17. That poor boy has suddenly become terrified of being stabbed at night, so he smoothly moves Rodan from ’project‘ to ’friend zone‘. ’I really think our friendship is strong and will continue after Temptation too.‘ SAID NO ONE EVER.

18. ‘Laura traditionally calls it a night early. And that means…. PARTYYYYYYY. And new opportunities for Jietse.’ Gotta love the voice-over times fifty.

Alright. Let’s wrap it up. Who knows, next week more drama for ya mama. Heart at the bottom if your day would also be complete if Laura suddenly got heavily taken down by Denzel. Oh Kiek, hold yourself together, hold yourself together…