Diary of a model

Lily spends her days as a model, rushing from shoot to show and then to another casting. On Amayzine, she tells you all about what her life is really like. Under a different name, of course, but that means she can share all the juicy details. This week: when you hit rock bottom as a model.

In the bio of @shitmodelmanagement, the following is stated: ‘we all want to quit’. Although many models (including myself) immensely enjoy our fabulous lives, there are indeed often moments when you think: forget it, I’m done, I’m going to study. I think this is due to the high peaks and deep valleys that a model's life brings. And what do you do in the valleys? Then you start to doubt. I’ve lined up some valleys for you.

Out of control

Sometimes you get tossed around from place to place without having any influence on your schedule. Of course, there are advantages to this last-minute life: you can suddenly get a call and fly to a new city or tropical beach. That certainly keeps life exciting. On the other hand, you can almost never plan things because you’re not sure if you’ll be there or not. I’ve stopped waiting around and now fill my entire schedule. I always mention that it’s ‘with last-minute cancellations’ though.

Netflix and wait

There are also moments when your schedule remains empty. Options that don’t go through, jobs that cancel, or a somewhat quieter period in the modeling world. That can be very frustrating. At those moments, I often feel the urge to change. I start looking for studies and courses, sign up for volunteer work, or look for a barista job or new hobby. As soon as I’ve made a start on something new, you’ll always see that the agency is on the phone with a job plus two weeks of castings in Paris. The study books disappear into the closet and there’s another bar where I better not show my face for a while. By the way, I always prefer modeling jobs over my new knitting hobby.

Big money

A big mistake that many people make is thinking that models earn a fortune. Admittedly, there are many girls who earn large amounts, but that is certainly not always the case. Besides the fact that there sometimes simply isn’t any work (and thus no income), you also have to invest a lot as a model before the money starts rolling in. Think about flight tickets, casting clothes, rent or hotel costs, costs for test shoots (freelance shoots that you do purely for new images in your book), taxi costs, and all the money you spend on airport meals and lunches on the go. No, not that sports movement, but a green healthy vegan low-calorie shake that you drink while running to your next casting.

It’s a lonely world

It can be quite scary for some girls to suddenly have to live in a new city. Not everyone makes friends as easily as I do (I’m just a super social, fun butterfly). I NEVER feel lonely. Not when I’m alone at the airport, not when I come back alone to my hotel room after a day of shooting, not when I walk into a casting where I don’t know anyone and everyone is buried in their own phone. Okay, maybe I secretly sometimes feel quite alone.

No, nope, nein, no, non

Just assume that you’ll get NO non-stop thrown at your head. ‘No, you didn’t book the job.’ ‘No, the option isn’t going through.’ ‘No, they chose another model.’ ‘No, this color doesn’t look good on your face.’ ‘No, these kinds of pants aren’t good for your figure.’ ‘No, this photo isn’t pretty.’ ‘No, you shouldn’t pull your lips like that.’ No no no no. You have to be able to handle so much criticism and that’s not always the case. I completely understand that girls sometimes prefer to quit. I now know exactly how to find my own insecurities and shortcomings. In a next diary entry, I will take you into my insecure model bubble.

But why do you still do it?

The modeling world is incredibly addictive.. Everything can change from one day to the next. It may be that due to a certain shoot, you suddenly find yourself back on everyone’s radar, or that a big casting director books you for a show and then you’ll see that ‘everyone ALWAYS thought you were fantastic’. But besides the fact that you can suddenly break through, there is also no clear top. You break through, fantastic. But each time the top seems just a bit higher than you thought. And what is that top actually? Is it a certain photographer you wanted to work with? Or a magazine? Maybe there’s a brand you’d really like to work for. But as soon as you’ve done that, a new goal immediately comes into view. In short: the top keeps shifting and you just keep climbing.

I have already reached several pit stops, but I am certainly not at the highest point of Mount (n)Everest yet. So I keep climbing vigorously towards a top that keeps moving above me.

XX Kisses from Lily