Hallelujah: The Chris-ening of Hollywood
Praise the Lord, we are going to talk about The Chris-ening of Hollywood. The what? Well, maybe you haven't noticed yet, but Hollywood has quietly been taken over by Chris. Not one, not two, no, but no less than four men named Chris are now waving the scepter there. Gone are the days when we had to remember names like Ryan and Bradley... From now on, it's all about this for me. Four men. One name.
Also nice: four totally different types, so there's something for everyone. For my own convenience, I have ranked them according to my personal preference, counting down from four to the absolute numero uno, the undisputed number one. Why is he in first place? I think it has to do with the fact that men in suits always (I repeat: always) have an edge. Life can be that simple and superficial sometimes, huh. Amen.
1. Chris Evans. Of course, we also know him as his alter ego Captain America, which is actually such a cool name that I already regret putting him in last place. Oh well, choices are not always easy. I still remember seeing him for the first time in the movie Not Another Teen Movie, which by the way – yes really – is still fun to watch. Of the four Chrises (Chrissen? Chrisses?) he is clearly the funniest, the kind of guy who can even make your grumpiest aunt smile.
Want to join: closing the bar after too many rounds of shots while you really intended to be in bed early.
2. Chris Pine. Man with blue eyes to drown in and also not averse to a superhero movie. He played in Spiderman and Wonder Woman and also in a number of Star Trek films. I must honestly say that I can't find many juicy stories about this Chris. In that respect, he is clearly the most well-behaved of the bunch. He has had a girlfriend for over half a year, there are no Hollywood scandals to his name, and there are no compromising photos to be found. A bit boring? Mwah. But nice to look at? Yes.
Want to join: introducing him to everyone who has ever accused you of only falling for unreliable men.
3. Chris Pratt. Aaah, the teddy bear. Honestly, it's a bit of a tie for me personally between this number two and number one (but yes, that suit, huh). In Parks and Recreation, this Chris was too fun, and then he was also a bit chubby. And maybe I even found him more attractive then. He clearly didn't see himself that way, and that's why he stopped drinking alcohol and started a tough training regimen. Well, the results are impressive, holy shit (can you curse at this Chris-ening? Probably). After a fairly amicable divorce divorce from Anna Faris, he is now engaged to Patrick Schwarzenegger's daughter. Unfortunately, he's off the market again (otherwise we would have had a good chance), but soon we can see him in Jurassic World 3. I've noticed that my interest in dinosaurs has plausibly increased since Jurassic World 1.
Want to join: well, what not? This Chris can take you to the bar, to the gym, he makes you laugh and is also a teddy bear. I'm sold.
4. Chris Hemsworth. Yes, there can only be one winner. I can tell you: it was a neck-and-neck race, but just look at this man. May I have his Hugo Boss campaign printed and hung above my bed, please? And then that Australian accent. Men in suits, that's almost a universal concept; they just do well. But as far as I'm concerned, an Australian accent is number two, you know. Let an Australian man tell me he's throwing some ‘shrimps on the barbie‘ and I spontaneously forget that I don't eat fish at all. Also worth mentioning is that this Chris is equally attractive with long hair. And oh yes, he's also a surfer. I think I should look for a backpack trip to the land Down Under, I think.
Want to join: getting married. Having babies. Growing old together.
Free tip of the day: do you want to see as much of The Chris-ening in one movie as possible? Then check out The Avengers: Infinity War. Because you have Chris Hemsworth, Chris Pratt, and Chris Evans in one movie. The prayers have been answered.
Written by: Wieke Veenboer
