I watched The Knight Before Christmas so you don't have to.

Of course, Christmas movies are often a running cliché, but there are degrees. Just for context: I watched this movie on Saturday night, with a medium to severe hangover, had little desire to think, so this seemed like the best option. And even in this state, I have no idea what I watched. Should I have thought more? Or less? It's clear who doesn't think, that's all the characters in The Knight Before Christmas. So many clichés, strange storylines, and the ending also suggests that there might be a part two. Oh god...

The film revolves around Brooke (Vanessa Hudgens), an elementary school teacher who lives in a mansion with an extra guesthouse. I guess her little town with those kinds of salaries has little trouble with teacher strikes. Her last boyfriend ran off with someone else, leaving her now without trust in love. Oh dear. It's sad, of course, but that Brooke is in this film so over the top an absolute good girl that it becomes annoying. No one is that sweet and perfect. Her niece, about ten years old, even asks Santa Claus if a nice man can finally come along, because Brooke deserves that so much. I don't know, but my ten-year-old relatives ask for iPhones, PlayStations, horses, and a racing bike. That sounds a lot more believable, by the way. Incidentally, that same niece eventually gets a puppy, but it never becomes clear who gave it to her. Very annoying.

But anyway, Santa happens to be sitting next to a witch (I kid you not), and she just happens to have transported a knight from the fourteenth century to the little town where Brooke lives (I really kid you not here too). The particularly quickly adapted Sir Cole goes for a walk and literally bumps into Brooke. The detail is that this Sir Cole comes from England and this witch has chosen for some reason not to let him time travel in England but in a winter village in America. By the way, he has no trouble with jet lag. He calls cars steel horses (but forgets that horses don't have steering wheels, or gas pedals, or that there are actually exactly zero similarities between these two except that they can both move forward), he keeps chatting with the device Alexa, but he is again not surprised by electricity, the American accent, or that houses actually have furnishings and it's warm inside. Even an American menu he immediately understands.

Okay, the clichés. Brooke's niece goes missing and has somehow ended up on a thin ice patch. But fear not, knight Sir Cole has the knowledge to save her. No one in Brooke's surroundings raises alarm bells that an Englishman armed with a sword is coming to stay with her. Or maybe, I don't know, the fact that he really thinks he is a knight from the fourteenth century? No one thinks in this movie. But well, true love doesn't stand in the way, so it's a happy ever after between Brooke and Sir Cole. Only after Sir Cole has asked his brother for permission in the fourteenth century just before he is knighted. He also takes his horse with him for this second trip to 2019. Who says romance is dead? Hereby I have saved you an hour and a half of your life. Better yet, watch Love Actually again. Watch Love Actually.